a first for everything...

February was the month of many firsts.

The Diver finally got his passport renewed and took me to Bangkok. It was my first trip to the city and it helped that he spoke Thai. And it probably the most fun we had on a vacation! I found the city visually unappealing but the people friendly and loved the sightseeing of temples and going up the Chao Phraya. And of course the massages were to die for. We also spent a bomb on custom-made suits and a dress.

Last year The Diver told me he has never donned a wedding band, before... ever.. despite being married more than once :P So, this is what I bought him....

A freaking WEDDING RING! (I went overboard and bought him a Blue Topaz one)... might be too much bling for him but he's my pimp!

Another funny first is that I set foot in The Ship for the first time ever! Ok laugh all you may but all these years whenever I'm supposed to meet someone for a meal at The Ship, SOMETHING always crops up. So finally again, The Diver broke that jinx and took me out for lunch at the Sultan Ismail outlet.

Come Valentine's Day, which both of us don't celebrate. The Diver surprised me with a Valentine gift and a card. For the first time ever, we sorta "celebrated". I suppose after the whirlwind couple of months between us, it's brought back the spark (I hope! Ke aku yang perasan sorang2!).

Probably the most romantic thing he's ever written to me in a long, long time.

goodbye my poet

I took the pill that the doctor prescribed to me, and now I just woke up after 2 hours of sleep. My head is still throbbing, the pain is still there.

I guess the pill was not much of a help.

I once knew a poet who could write poetry that could bring tears to my eyes.

Today, he died.

(in)fidelity

I definitely don't want to sound sexist here but to me, men and women differ greatly when it comes to the question of "what constitutes as cheating?". Of course some exceptions are made but in general, their viewpoints will always differ. Hey, it's a Venus-Mars thing.

One cannot deny that during the course of a marriage, there could be some individuals (other than your spouse) that seem sexually attractive or pleasing to the eye. And no, there is no harm in people-watching or even admiring their looks. I would go as far as that. And beyond that, I call it cheating. Yes, I am THAT traditional.

The problem with cheating happens when a husband-wife team have differing definitions of cheating. For instance the husband goes out for breakfasts / lunches with lady friends. Even friends of the wife for example, without telling the wife. If it was a harmless meal, what's the harm in telling "Hey, I'm going to have lunch with your friend today". Why make it discreet? And sometimes they go as far as telling the friend, "Please make it discreet, don't tell my wife"

Now for the husband, it's ok because no one knows. And for the wife, it's betrayal, because the husband didn't tell her. And why the need for a one-on-one lunch with her friend? But get this, the silliest thing is that.... you asked out a friend of your wife??? Kau rasa kawan tu tak cakap ke ngan bini kau? Or maybe it's just the thrill of getting caught. We will never know.

And especially for the husband, it is NOT cheating because no physical intimacy took place. And that is where we differ boys and girls.

And some engage in online sex or even sex-ting (oh the advents of technology!) and still claim innocence as there was no penetration involved! Amazing! Talk about bending the rules!

Bottomline is, whatever it is that you did to betray the trust of your wife is a form of betrayal, and betrayal is cheating.

But the sad part of this all is that once you've done it, the bond will never be the same again. Yes, your wife might forgive you and all, but no, it will NEVER, ever be the same.

hitched

Happy together....

I was too self-centred in December I did not even mention that a dear friend of mine, Komar, whom I met through Aiz got married that month.

It was special because he got married at 42 (not many people do) and we initially thought he never would!

Cold at the top!

The reception on the groom's side was held at Guar Chempedak, Komar's hometown. So on that Christmas weekend we headed north and put up at the Regency Jerai Resort, as per Komar's recommendation, perched on the tip of Mount Jerai. We were hesitant as first since the last time The Diver went there it was still called a "rest house". But now it's a full fledged resort, with a Spa (that we made full use of)! And the view was exquisite and as far as the eyes can see.

Congratulations again to Komar and Fid, and may it be a fairytale for both of you happily ever after. It's just so lovely seeing them happy together, and that one moment all the trials and tribulations of being in marriage vanished from my silly mind.

May you be blessed with lots of love, laughs and kids in tow.

hello 2012

Sometimes I wish the Mayans' prediction would come true. Just for the sole reason that my loved ones and I can all die at the same time!

What a morbid way to start a 2012 post but that's how I felt today. All negativities aside, my aim this year is to stay calmer and mature in spite of all the things that are going on at home or at the office.

I officially turned 37 on the 27th of December, so that's good. Should the world end in December 2012 I wouldn't live to see 38.

Finally, all the kids are in REAL school already, with Yunus coming back home today telling me he wishes that he's in Year Three instead of One. Ambitious lad. My stepdaughter who's staying with me will sit for her SPM, so this year is an important year for her and I wish her all the best.

The Diver and I went through several ups and mostly downs in 2011 and I hope things will be better this year. Being a woman, and a sensitive one at that, there are things that haunt me still and that I believe has caused some strains in our relationship. Believe me, I wish I was stronger and can just erase the things that hurt. Having said that, I hope both of us can change and tolerate each other more this year, because at the end of the day, our quarrels don't usually last more than 24 hours. And I know I can't live without him more than a day.

Here's to a better 2012.

And I leave you with a picture of when the sun has set on December 31st 2011, taken from a hotel room where we spent our New Year's eve.

december

For the past few years, December, which I will always openly admit to be my favorite month - my birthday, Christmas, Year-End sales, New Year's eve et al, has always brought heartaches and challenges.

This year, a recurrent wound presented itself in the form that is almost unimaginable to my emotional state.

And I just have to remind myself, time and again, that I am a fighter.

seksualiti pun nak dimerdekakan?

Let me open up this posting by professing my love to the Lesbian, Gay, Bi and TransGender (LGBT) friends in my circle. They have been the loveliest bunch, and most times, the most sensitive and supportive when I need shoulders to cry on.

I love them to bits.

But I do think that this Seksualiti Merdeka event coming up will only breed more animosity than understanding between the straights and the LGBT communities. Why do I say that?

Look around us. We are in Malaysia, we are predominantly Muslim, generally conservative and still culturally green. We still argue about the haram and halalness of Tabasco Sauce for God's sake! So why do you think that people will embrace Seksualiti Merdeka with open arms?

To most Malaysians, this event is quite a shocker. Even Buletin Utama called it a pesta seks bebas or something to that extent. See how the objective of Seksualiti Merdeka is not understood or skewed before it even started?

As Malaysians, I think we have been pretty tolerant of LGBTs. Case in point would be Azwan Ali (I don't even know which category this dude is in) and the many celebrities that are known to be gay - they still can cari makan peacefully in this country. And most women prefer their Mak Andams to be "Pak Andams" instead because admit it, transgenders have the creativity of a woman and the strength of a man. They are blessed that way.

So what Merdeka are they referring to? Aren't we Merdeka enough? If you talk about kissing in public, not even LGBTs get stared at - even straight couples aren't expected to do that because it's just against our culture.

Pang Khee Teik, one of the founders of Seksualiti Merdeka tweeted "While many LGBTs are kicked fm homes, abused, blackmailed, arrested, KEEPING QUIET IS NOT AN OPTION."

First of all being kicked from homes, abused, blackmailed, arrested are not only LGBT-specific issues. Arrested? Kalau kau transvestites menjual kat Chow Kit maybe so, but so far even in my little quaint hometown of Batu Pahat, cross dressers can lepak all they want and not be arrested.

And to hold this event during Aidiladha celebrations? It's just poor taste. If you can't respect other people's feelings, then why do you expect them to respect yours?

So there.

Your sexuality is your choice. But remember, you can't impose your beliefs or your sexuality upon others. You can't force people to accept who you are.

And most of all, sexuality is about what happens behind closed doors, so just let us keep it that way.