on being a stepmother

Sometimes I overthink.

Well scratch that. Most of the times, I overthink. And overthinking, mostly in my case, will lead to something disastrous.

I have two teenage stepdaughters, the 16 year old one staying with us, the 19 year old one with my inlaws. And to handle them, especially the one staying with us, is a delicate balancing act.

She's smart, hardworking, pretty but at times, like ALL teenagers, has her own issues. I don't want to dwell on it here but at times I feel like advising her on things that she shouldn't be doing. Which I did.

But when the advice went unheeded, and I need to do it again, I feel like I am nagging already. And suddenly the image of the evil stepmother comes to mind. What would be "normal" for a biological mother to do to her daughter, suddenly becomes something that is sensitive.

What hurts most is that if that becomes the only thing that your stepdaughter thinks of you, someone who nags. What hurts too is that she will say she loves her father, her mother, her siblings, but not me. Never me.

What she doesn't know is that I love her with all my heart, like my own daughter. And I don't want to see her go down the wrong path in life.

What she doesn't know is that if something bad happens to her, if she does not excel in her studies etc, people will point the finger at me for not bringing her up properly.

Ah well, this is expected and I guess as the adult, I should better handle it emotionally. In the meantime, I am stuck with this thankless task.

a first for everything...

February was the month of many firsts.

The Diver finally got his passport renewed and took me to Bangkok. It was my first trip to the city and it helped that he spoke Thai. And it probably the most fun we had on a vacation! I found the city visually unappealing but the people friendly and loved the sightseeing of temples and going up the Chao Phraya. And of course the massages were to die for. We also spent a bomb on custom-made suits and a dress.

Last year The Diver told me he has never donned a wedding band, before... ever.. despite being married more than once :P So, this is what I bought him....

A freaking WEDDING RING! (I went overboard and bought him a Blue Topaz one)... might be too much bling for him but he's my pimp!

Another funny first is that I set foot in The Ship for the first time ever! Ok laugh all you may but all these years whenever I'm supposed to meet someone for a meal at The Ship, SOMETHING always crops up. So finally again, The Diver broke that jinx and took me out for lunch at the Sultan Ismail outlet.

Come Valentine's Day, which both of us don't celebrate. The Diver surprised me with a Valentine gift and a card. For the first time ever, we sorta "celebrated". I suppose after the whirlwind couple of months between us, it's brought back the spark (I hope! Ke aku yang perasan sorang2!).

Probably the most romantic thing he's ever written to me in a long, long time.