So after spending probably three months literally glued to each other, going on short trips and getaways and other things couples do during the geting-back-together period, The Diver starts a new 9-5 job today.
I am happy for him. It all happened when I asked him one day, "why don't you try something outside the oil & gas industry?" and by a stroke of luck, after asking an ex-colleague of mine about job opportunities in her current workplace, there was one opening that suited The Diver well.
I am happy for us, because once again we're back on our feet and are financially more stable.
Can one feel happy and shitty at the same time? Of course one can.
During his last couple of months at work last year was the time he strayed. Too trusting of me that I even close one eye when he was flirting with her on Instagram. I was THAT trusting, but when one day I called him and didn't get through, I really thought something was off. And then a few times when he said his boss wanted him to stay back a while, and it was weird because he basically was not doing much work by then because it was his final few weeks already. So many memories that still hurt.
So him working reminded me of those cheating days. But then again, him not working doesn't guarantee that he wouldn't cheat.
We're closer than ever now. And I'm also glad to say that I am a calmer person than who I was last year. I love myself more, and after going through the traumatic phase, I know my self worth.
And most importantly, I know who loves me, unconditionally and wholeheartedly.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Friday, January 16, 2015
the L word
Ever since I got back together with The Diver, some people (friends and non-immediate relatives) have been avoiding me. Having said that, I am blessed to also have friends that are supportive and family members that love me to bits whichever road I may take.
A few justified it as "people don't feel comfortable being around a troubled couple" and some said that they didn't think it was a good idea, a frail union they say. Most of them think that I will go through the same thing again in future, and to back out now is the best option.
Run while I still can.
I understand their concern. I may be the forgiving, pushover wife, but I am not the clueless wife.
What I am most upset was the fact that someone said that I stayed because of the "convenience". I don't know who said this but whoever it was, she or he sure as hell don't know what the fuck convenience is. This has been the most INCONVENIENT phase of my life. Ever.
I stayed because of love. Love doesn't pay the bills, love is blind, love makes you lose your sense of judgment. But the best description of love is from a good friend: "Love is mysterious, it can collide with hate and yet it's still called love."
There are things that hurt me, things that The Diver still does. Some behavior that just can't be changed, things that I have tolerated for the past 7 years. Little things that used to NOT matter now matter because of the recent separation.
The fear, the trauma, the anxiety.
Our marriage is complex. I don't expect everyone to understand why I still love him.
Warts and all.
A few justified it as "people don't feel comfortable being around a troubled couple" and some said that they didn't think it was a good idea, a frail union they say. Most of them think that I will go through the same thing again in future, and to back out now is the best option.
Run while I still can.
I understand their concern. I may be the forgiving, pushover wife, but I am not the clueless wife.
What I am most upset was the fact that someone said that I stayed because of the "convenience". I don't know who said this but whoever it was, she or he sure as hell don't know what the fuck convenience is. This has been the most INCONVENIENT phase of my life. Ever.
I stayed because of love. Love doesn't pay the bills, love is blind, love makes you lose your sense of judgment. But the best description of love is from a good friend: "Love is mysterious, it can collide with hate and yet it's still called love."
There are things that hurt me, things that The Diver still does. Some behavior that just can't be changed, things that I have tolerated for the past 7 years. Little things that used to NOT matter now matter because of the recent separation.
The fear, the trauma, the anxiety.
Our marriage is complex. I don't expect everyone to understand why I still love him.
Warts and all.
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