underneath it all

Is a relationship healthy when your partner does not divulge necessary information to the other?

I can hear a resounding NO in my head and it echoes through the lobes of my brains and rings out of my ears like the screams of a woman in labour.

I would not say my relationship with The Diver was based on lies. That is not entirely true. I know for a fact he loved me, and still loves me a lot. We crave each other's attention when we're apart, we stalk each other's Twitter accounts. The world shuts down when we are alone, together and we are set adrift on this ocean filled with memories, emotions, things we love and share. Sometimes, in the car, we silently sing the same melodies in our heads.

Us, being alone. Just us two. There is magic in us no one could every understand.

Yet there is a thorn in all that. A pesky, poking thorn that prods and jolts every now and then. A merciless thorn borne out of malicious intent.

So he chose not to disclose. To keep me happy, to keep us together, to keep the love alive.

At times he lies, and I let him. I could have asked him to prove things, but I know he couldn't. For instance I could have asked him: "Send me a picture of where you are." But what good would it do if he had lied? I hear the unsettled whispers of people out there... but dear readers please, do not judge me.

Is this transient? Will the lying stop when you weed out the thorn and throw it away forever? Will this be a fleeting moment? This is certainly not healthy, but does this work? WILL it work?

Only time will tell.

the month it crumbled

Most times, the worst happens when you least expect it. And by a horrific twist of fate, it happened to me in October.

The Diver had an affair. It wasn't a fling, but a full-fledged affair. Although it started only mid of August, it probably was a relationship that started afire. Suffice to say that in October we were apart, and he went on to discover this new person, new blood that he wanted to make part of his life.

Initially I blamed myself for letting this happen. Later on, I was smart enough not to do that. It was not my fault. She preyed, he strayed. And that was that.

I was broken. I lost 5kgs in a month, I started shedding hair like a dying cat and The Diver continued his unabashed coming-out with his new lover.

I also learned that for the other woman, this was not her first time wrecking people's marriages. She has done this way too many times. Maybe she thinks it's her birthright to screw people's husbands and put down their wives. She even lambasted me for being a housewife who married The Diver for financial security.

Well I prove her wrong. Two weeks after the incident blew up, I got myself a new job. She forgot that before being a housewife for two years, I have been working for the past 13 years of my life ever since I graduated. But what do you expect from a 27-year old, full of cockiness and misplaced confidence.

What made matters worse was, a person whom I regarded as a friend backstabbed me big time. During turbulent times when I engaged in a Twitter war with The Diver, she joined the bandwagon, only later to accuse me of orchestrating the war and being "the invisible hand". And when things went out control, pitted me against my friends to show them how evil I was. She even wanted to apologise to The Diver and told him that this was all my doing, and not her doing.

I want her to remember WHY she went on a Twitter war with the Diver. It had nothing to do with me, it was all because of her unhappiness with what supposedly The Diver said about her.

Quite honestly, I have bigger things to think about.

It's November now. I don't know how things will pan out. Whatever it is, this has got me back to writing again.