a death in december

Have you attended a funeral and thought, no.. I am not going to cry because the person who passed on does not have that much emotional impact over you.

And then you thought wrong and you ended up bawling as if that person meant the world.

Well I was at one of those funerals today. It was my cousin's funeral. A cousin whom I haven't seen in years. He was my uncle's eldest son. And this uncle's family has not been attending Raya gatherings, relative's weddings, or even my late grandmother's funeral. Yes, estranged would be the word to describe it.

My cousin died of drug overdose - a concoction of sleeping pills and God-knows-what. To make things worse, they found his decomposed body, alone in a hotel room, sitting up, with the TV and air-con on. Doctors estimate that he has been dead for more than 10 days. He was 26.

When the talkin was recited, it seemed that my mind went back to the days when I used to babysit this little innocent, baby cousin of mine. We were nine years apart, and his parents used to send him to my grandparents' house for free day care. And I was the one who had to help my aunt take care of him, put him to sleep, prepare his formula, watched cartoons with him.

And today, he's bundled up in white cloth, lined with plastic - the condition of his body too horrific for me to even describe here.

I sat behind his wife, near to his mother - they tried to hold back tears during the talkin but only ended up crying until their whole bodies shivered. And I did too, silently.

Goodbye, Azlan. I hope you did not die in vain.

My friends, dear readers, this is not the way to die. So stay off drugs. You think you're in control, but don't play with fire. I beg you.

it's the most wonderful timeeeeeee of the yearrrrr

Today is my Dad's birthday. Just a piece of useless trivia to start me writing again.

I've always told people that December is my favourite month, and NO.. not because it's my birthday (on the 27th) but because everything just seems soooo festive in December what with the Christmas decor, the school holidays, the New Year anticipation AND don't you just notice that people in the office tend to be more laid back in December? And especially THIS December because of the many public holidays.. I mean, what's a reason not to LOVE this month???!!

Well in spite of all that, December has been a long month for me, and it's only the 17th today. First off, we finally moved in to our new home this month, a move that has been long overdue to both The Diver and my hectic schedule. Well mostly HIS schedule. To make things more topsy turvy, our Bibik went on leave for more than a week right after we moved in. But she's back now and I have recovered my sanity somewhat.

The first two things I made in our new kitchen are these two:

Banana Bread & Butter Pudding

Roast Chicken with Lotsa Veggies

I am elated beyond words that tomorrow's a public holiday and so is every Friday in the next couple of weeks. Didn't have much planned as we still need to fix a few things at the house and of course, decorate the Christmas tree. We left the ornaments at our Kg Warisan home, so for now we only have lights for the tree. (note to self: drop by Kg Warisan to pickup ornaments tomorrow!!!)

The Diver and I will be going to our usually monthly respite from office stress - The Comedy Club thingy at Zouk tonight, and looking forward to that. For those of you who haven't been to the Kuala Lumpur Comedy Club, I highly encourage you all to go, it's just a helluva blast.

My parents, my brother and Medina are in Japan right now visiting our lovely sister, Zaza and brother outlaw, Kazu-san. Medina seems to be OK with the wintry weather except for the occasional nosebleeds. They've been there for 5 days and coming back on Saturday.
Zaza, I ciloked your pics :)

And on the 26th, we'll be having a post-Christmas do at Gombak4Life's home in where else but Gombak County...Ah! So many things to look forward for....

Happy December y'all and joy to the world!

art imitating life, or vice versa?

Right now, as I'm sitting here at the office while waiting for The Diver to pick me up (gosh, I'm just too lazy to drive meself to work nowadays!), I'm reminded of the Malay dramas that my grandma and aunts used to watch on TV.

You know, the evil stepmothers, the cheating boyfriend, the deadbeat husband, the GRO wife, the wicked mother in law, the weepy dumped wife, the secretary-boss affair, the screaming bimbo catfights... all those stereotypes you can ever think of, is there in the Drama Melayu.

In my teens and twenties, I'd go... Man!!! All these are crap that some overly emotional jilted scriptwriter conjured up in his/her screwed up brain. I didn't know that in adulthood, these Drama Melayu scenarios will pop in your life as often as The Diver goes to the toilet after whacking sambal belachan.

As I grow older, nothing shocks me anymore. I'm sure most of you agree on this statement.

When I was in the twenties, life was such a euphoric phase of seeking perfection. And at that age, especially in my early twenties, I thought that adulthood was simply, people being ADULTS.

But boy, was I wrong.

In our lives today, scenes of Drama Melayu pops up every now and then. I sometimes stop to think, "I thought these things only happen in movies." And now I believe that art does, in a strange and perverted way, imitate life.

a note to polygamists

I personally do not think a man can ever be fair when he marries more than one.

Yes, in the Qur'an it says that polygamy is allowed, but many ignore the BIG ASS DISCLAIMER that comes with it. It says that you are only allowed to marry more than one if you can be fair upon your wives. The question is, can mere mortals living in the 21st century ever be fair to two wives (or more)? My answer would be HELL NO.

Oh well, to each his own.

The past couple of months have been rather psychologically stressing me out. Hence the need for the dive trips to calm me down. At times, I stepped out of myself and float up and look at the bigger picture. No, it has nothing to do with my marriage or The Diver.

It has something to do with polygamy and a family member. Let's just say that I am happy for my family if they're happy with the path that they've chosen. But, an advice to polygamists and wannabes, if you have the balls to marry another, please also have the balls to tell your wife that you've married or are going to marry. Be a man for God's sake! I once told a raging abusive ex-husband that I was not in love with him anymore, and that I was in love with another person.

He could've killed me at that very moment, but yes dear readers, I HAD THE BALLS TO DO IT. That's all that matters.

Now this polygamy issue in my family has caused severe distress to some parties and awkwardness to some, and this all stems out of a marriage that was kept secret. You don't know what trouble you give people ... it's so menyusahkan.

I picked out a new journal for 2010 at MPH the other day (which The Diver paid for, thank you!) - I was thinking of a Moleskine initially but settled with this from Peter Pauper, it has more meaning in life now:

double whammy tioman weekend!

Monsoon diving.

That was what we did last weekend in Tioman. Being an avid diver, The Diver loves it because according to him, you get to see bigger stuff. And yes we did see a big reef cuttlefish. And another group saw a frikkin whale shark too! But aside from that, I also suffered a gash on my knee while climbing up the jetty stairs after surfacing during the night dive.

Sakit!!!!!

The Diver kata .. "Biasalah.. Diver..." apa2 injury that I sustained semuanya dia cakap macam tu... "Biasalah... Diver..." Dulu he was a bit sympathetic la... sekarang mungkin dia nak train aku jadi Commando...maybe by the time I hit 40 boleh masuk askar...

And oh, I also did my first ever night dive last Saturday. It was scary cuz viz was super teruk but fun nonetheless.

I did the unthinkable before we left Tioman last week, I told The Diver, "Jom diving lagi next week?"

Remind me to never ask that question in November, December or January next time please!

And so we left all our dive equipment there at the dive centre and decided to return again this weekend.....

For more monsoon diving! The weather's gonna be crappy, the sea is gonna be choppy, and The Diver has bought me a seasick band (I pray to God it works)... and we are off to Mersing again, tonight to catch tomorrow morning's ferry to Tioman!

God speed, I told myself. And please dear Sea, be kind to me....

And these pics were from last weekend...
This ugly mama posed for us... and we got real up close and personal...


The Diver and I, and Tioman in good weather

My stepdaughter Farhanah, who's sitting for her SPM very soon!

My first night dive. Entah apa yang aku suluh. Viz was bad!


We found this guy during our night dive. It ran away as soon as I thought of Chilli Crabs.

BOO!

Bukan Boooooooooo!!! untuk pasukan Manchester United (kalau perempuan takde breast bolehlah dipanggil Man-Chester jugak)!

Boo! It's my second favourite non-Islamic celebration after Christmas - Halloween! I categorise my celebration between Islamic and non-Islamic, lest people think that I am pagan and don't celebrate Islamic celebrations. This year is the second time that The Diver has made our Halloween celebration a blast. Well last year, he carved Jack o' Lanterns out of tomatoes. It was a last minute thing okay...Halloween Express 2008 - we also had The Devil's Omelette!

But this year, oh this year, we had REAL pumpkins, although not the shiny orange ones that are sold at dirt cheap prices back in South Bend, Indiana. We had local pumpkins, the one that's sold in Jusco and it was affordable. That will do lah aku bukannya la hard up sangat kat pumpkins kan.
Thanks to The Diver for painstakingly making the Jack o' Lanterns...

We had a Halloween do cum Gombak4Life's birthday party at HRH's residence last week, and it was fun for all.
Yunus was a "Pirate VCD" while Juan was.. err.. a reluctant pirate...

Mwahs to the pumpkin!

Tengok kat belakang ada Momok dok sibuk cakap telefon...

And tonight before midnight, we shall leave for Mersing for tomorrow morning's ferry to Tioman. Amidst the Annual Report, I'm taking time off for a bit, only a bit, of diving in Tioman.

Happy Halloween people! Trick or Treat!

blaming Facebookery

This blog is almost dead, but not quite.

I've willed every ounce of my being to keep it alive, although barely. But I shall keep it alive, because I do need to write, or else I'll completely lose it. And when I say IT, I don't even completely know what IT is...

And no, I didn't start a blog just to "be part of the in thing" or "because everyone else has one" unlike SOME PEOPLE. Siapa makan babi terasalah babinya.

Anyway, write I shall. Since I have not been updating this baby for close to two months, I shall write about the reason why I had stopped updating.

I blame it totally on this evil, evil social networking thingy called Facebookery. As of today, I am a complete Facebook Bitch married to a total Facebook All Star. Status updates, photo comments, Facebook Notes, plus all the games that I'm hooked on like Restaurant City, Barn Buddy, Farmville, Pet Society and of late, Cafe World - those are the things to be blamed for my non-performance in the blogging department.

This has also resulted in several bouts of writer's block that has kept me off blogging.

But I shall continue to write. I promise. Only until I finish serving up my meals on Cafe World!!!

ramadhan, kampung style

I miss spending Ramadhan in Batu Pahat, at my grandmother's place.

I grew up with my Arwah Maktok since I was a baby until my primary school days, and I'm glad I did because if I didn't I wouldn't know what the meaning of berpuasa in a kampung meant. At that time, my parents were in JB and being the eldest, born to parents who are just starting out in life (ie. mak aku tak reti nak jaga baby yang melalak-lalak sepanjang malam) I was given to my Maktok to be taken care of (not in the mafia sense of "taken care" OK!!!)

When Ramadhan comes, Maktok will always make sure that she makes starters and desserts to accompany the main meal of iftar. This was when she was younger, and hadn't experienced her knee problems yet. She had Auntie Noh and Auntie Endon to help her too (my two unmarried aunties who were staying with her). So in a household of 3 women, you can imagine what good food I enjoyed.

The best thing was the exchange of kuih / lauk / starters with the neigbours. And I was the designated delivery girl, the one who sends all this to our neighbours. When I gave our neighbours Maktok's treats, they will then "exchange" it with something of theirs. And I know which house yang masakan dia sedap and which house suffers from a BAD CHEF.

When iftar comes, we usually have about 8 different offerings from 8 different households! There was no need for a Bazaar Ramadhan back then.

And life was so simple and good!

This Ramadhan, I'm thankful to be spending it with The Diver and our kids, and also our dear beloved friends.

A happy and blessed Ramadhan, everyone!

lest I forget...

Waking up with you at seven,
Is like waking up in heaven.
Nothing that I want than a touch that calms,
Like your touch when you're in my arms

Your body warmed me through the night
We sleep entwined till the early light
Your love flowed through me more and more
And I love you and truly adore...

I truly miss the person who wrote this.

And I pray to God that he will forever remain this way.

my inner SeaDemon, unleashed...

Is that apprehension or fear in your eyes, JZ? Going for the Adventure Deep Dive.

On the 3rd of August 2009, I was officially certified as an Open Water Diver. With a firm handshake from my instructor Nafie, of the Seahorse Dive Centre in Perhentian, and a "Welcome to the club" greet, I felt as if I've achieved something that I never thought I could.

In 1998, while I was working as a Web Content editor - Amanda, my web designer friend and I had worked on a project for Micheal Patrick Wong, a brilliant underwater photographer for an online version of his book, Malaysia Beneath the Waves. In the few instances that Mr Wong met us, he talked ever so magically about the underwater world. From that day on, my interest was piqued.

A marriage, three kids and a divorce later, I stumbled upon a blog by John F Seademon called Narcaholic, hosted at Wordpress. Here was a single father writing about all sorts of stuff from diving to politics to his kids as well as his heartbreaks. I first commented on his blog on September 4 2007, in one of his "great journey" entries. And who would have known that today, this person and I are man and wife.

We got married in March of 2009, and most people ask me why had I not dived any earlier. In fact, The Diver (as he is now known in my blog) has always been gently encouraging me to start diving ever since we started going out in March of 2008.

A few reasons why - first of all, I've started growing flabs ever since I went out with The Diver, dari hari ke hari lemak perut berlapis2. So yes, I have this inferiority thing about donning a wetsuit (although The Diver always points out to me "see sayang, she's fatter" whenever a diver fatter than I walk in front of us).

Second reason adalah, kalau aku tak pass Open Water tu, adalah kemaluan besar. My stepdaughter Hana did it when she was 13. And at 17, she's an Advanced OW already. Cipetkan kalau aku gagal. So, second reason adalah ketakutan yang teramat sangat.

Lastly, the MAIN reason was purely selfish and emo (akibat 5 tahun makan nasi kawah) - I hated the fact that he used to dive with his ex girlfriend. I just simply detest the fact that she has dived with him and I don't want to be another Dive Buddy that signs off in his dive log with Love you or Miss you.. HAHAHAH!! THERE YOU HAVE IT!! Bongok tak? Yes, I'm psycho like that.

I don't wanna be a freaking REPLACEMENT. I know they used to dive together, so I told myself, the only way that I will take up diving is after I'm married to The Diver. Somehow, everytime he talks about his underwater sojourns, I'm reminded of his blog entry when he described a dive with her. Am I jealous? NO. But I just like to be bitter about things.

That's just me. Benda yang tak patut aku menyampahkan, aku menyampah. But hey, I'm just being honest here OK.

But then after our marriage, and growing up a bit.. I finally decided to give it a go. And I love diving with The Diver. He makes me feel safe and he knows what creatures I like to see underwater. It does make our relationship more meaningful, and of course make our island holidays more fun because we are together ALL THE TIME :)

And yes, I sign off as his Dive Buddy. But I don't call him Seademon "Dearie" or even sign off with a "love you" or "miss you". Itu hanya untuk orang2 yang memakai sequinned dress bila berada di Tioman sahaja.

On our first dive together at Perhentian's Tukun Laut, I wrote in his log:

I will remember this dive

For the rest of my life...

LAME. But original, no? :P

The Diver and I buddying for the first time at Tukun Laut.


The Diver and one of his great hugs... and my hair gets all curly everytime I come out of the water.. This was taken right before my third dive (final one for OW) and after I loaded up on 100 plus and Red Bull.

money no enuff

After my graduation in the summer of 1997, I went back to Malaysia thinking that I could do a bit of jalan-jalan cross country. But as soon as I got home, my dad started to bug me on when JPA was gonna call and offer me a job. Aku rasa nak cakap je, "Kau baca paper tiap2 hari kau tak tau ke sekarang ni tengah Asian financial crisis?" Tapi takpela. I waited and waited and JPA didn't call.

So my dad yang tak sabar-sabar sebab aku menghabiskan beras dia, hooked me up with his good friend who's an MD of a listed company who's in need of a PA at the JB office. That was my first job, PA-ing. I was paid RM1,800 per month. I had too much time on my hands because my boss was also CEO/MD at other companies and was rarely in that office.

Walaupun gaji aku ciput tu je, aku rasa cam kaya sangat. Sebab boleh beli baju korean silk, ada handphone nasi lemak, pergi melawat then BF kat KL, etc. Naik flight lagi okay.

But hey, how can I, whose degree was International Relations be contented with being a PA to a non-existent boss? So I started job-hunting, and finally landed a job at a web development company in KL, as a Web Content Executive with the same pay. Remember that this was 1997/98 so it's the internet boom days lah. And at the same time, JPA offered me a post with a pay of RM1,500.

So mana mau pilih? Keja gomen or keja tempat happening yang boleh pakai jeans every day (the Internet thingy was WAYYY too cool way back then)?

I chose the job at the web development company. At this point looking back, I'm glad that my dad didn't even once interfered on my career path process. Hmm.. bagus.. bagus....

Fast forward, aku pernah jadi City Editor, VP of Web Content in a couple of web-based companies. And of course, with the pay increase I started indulging more and more in brands that I have been so fond of every since my uni days, and some even from my high school days.

And money was never enough.

When I was married to my deadbeat ex and after my children came, I started to do a lot of budget reallocation. For instance, switching to cheaper facial cleansers, buying generic brands masa beli groceries, etc. But I still indulged from time to time, especially masa dapat bonus. And I'm always thinking.. oh.. when I'm rich I will buy this and that and this and that... I was always craving and envying and all that.

I also did part-time freelance editing work to supplement my income, throughout my marriage and more so after my divorce. And after the divorce when I was going out with Lip Service he did give me money which made me felt really CHEAP. So in return, I offered some copywriting / branding services for his company. I don't think this would work lah, since it made me feel soooo OWNED and not good for my morale. And I thought, macam mana la eh orang kalau ada sugar daddy? The feeling is not good at all.

Now that I'm married to The Diver and all settled and stable, with the benefits of combined income, something changed in me.

I no longer have the insatiable desire to shop for things I don't need. I've managed to curb my spending habits and am no longer the shopaholic I once was. I do splurge at times, I still have my handbag cravings, but I rarely give in to unplanned temptations.

And for once, I felt that I have grown up.

*warning: adult content*

When I was a little girl, I thought:

"The harder you study, the richer you'll become when you're an adult."

Boy, was I wrong. You and I know that your SPM results mean jackshit in real life. And that if you got bad grades in school does not make you a loser in life.

So what is the importance of education? To me, it allows a person to think, and make informed decisions. To know the difference of what is wrong and what is right. This does not mean that educated people will always make the right decision, it's just that at least they can differentiate which one is right or wrong, and why they come up with their decisions. You know, like making informed decisions instead of according to their whims and fancies. Contohnya, beli kereta yang lebih mahal dari neighbours, just to show off wealth. Not because they like the car, but saja nak menunjuk.

I'm not imposing any moral judgement here, and to me education is not only about school-education but opening up your eyes to the environment around you, prying open your minds to evaluate aspects in life. Holding a PhD does not make you "educated" per se.

Okay, to better illustrate the difference between the educated and the not-so, let's just compare .. say.. menjual pookey. Now menjual pookey is morally wrong but both the educated and non-educated do it.

Here's an example of a stupid woman's modus operandi semasa nak menjual pookey. She is SO STUPID, she doesn't even know the difference between KFC and McDonald's ok.

OK now, the non-educated bitch will marry the son of a prominent Tun expecting the guy to be as rich as his friggin' dad. In a rush to get the Tun's son, she lied to him saying that the four bastards that she kept referring to as anak2 angkat, were actually her own flesh and blood. Dia tak tau yang Tun tu bukannya la bongok sangat tak boleh buat background check on her.

Little does she know that Tun's son is a free-spirited idealist, whose wardrobe are as cheap as any Tom, Dick and Harry's. The Tun's son was brought up in a nepotism-free environment and does not want to leverage on his dad's name. The Tun's son is his own man, and ready to prove that he can make it on his own.

Eventually, she realized that marrying the Tun's son wouldn't make her an heiress or a millionairess. So the non-educated bitch grumbled and stomped her feet and demanded to the Tun's son that her Kenari be switched to a Perdana V6 (ala-ala gomen) because to her, that car epitomizes success, granted that she only socializes in dangdut taverns and is a member of Puteri Umno.

The Tun's son, a romantic at heart, thought that a Perdana V6 would be the the solution to his marriage woes. Meanwhile, the brainless bitch went around dropping the Tun's name to gain her position in Puteri Umno. And in a twisted twist of fate, managed to fool a group of bleached blonds into voting her as Ketua Puteri Umno of Melayang-Layang. Now this was her ticket to making money - becoming a "project broker". Don't ask me how this works but in a nutshell, she gets projects for people, and gets a commision for that. How did she managed to do this? Well, at this point she sells her pookey to other people la, behind the Tun's son's back.

It worked. For a while.

The Tun's son later found out, and eventually they divorced. Now brainless bitch did not care because by this time, she was rolling in the dough selling pookey for projects. Until PRU 12 came, and the Opposition took over the State where Melayang-Layang is located in. And her pookey-selling stories have spread all over like bushfire, and somehow she lost her seat in Puteri Umno.

God knows where she's selling her pookey now.

Now what would a smart woman do in a situation like above?

She would have married the Tun, and waited for him to pass on. Senang, no?

reality check...1..2..

After we got back from dinner just now, and after settling a few house chores, The Diver went to the loo to do his business. From the room, I said to him, "Sayang, I think I need new work pants."

And he replied with a, "What?"

"I THINK I NEED NEW WORK PANTS, BLACK ONES."

Pause. Then he quipped, "Do you think you need anything else?"

Ah, how sweet of him, I thought... thinking probably that he wanted to get me a suit,

or a new pair of Crocs Cabana or Hanalei...

or that other shade of Bobbi Brown Pot Rouge that I wanted...

or maybe he finally remembered that I wanted to do something with my overly long hair (at least overly long according to me)

So I asked him, "Like what?"

"Like maybe you NEED to lose weight!"

OK now, The Diver is beginning to sound like a real husband :P

DNAS made my day..

While recovering from a bad food poisoning bout, I received a message from a friend who went to the same high school as I did, telling me that she's given me an AWARD (check out my sidebar heh). DNAS updates her blog more than I do, and she write more substantial stuff ... so I feel kinda malu lah *blush* . And I was flattered when she described me as:

Jazzmatazz: A Srikandi and we used to be in the same English class for a few years (or was it 5 years?) She and a few others set the bar for our English especially when we had Mrs. Soon as English teacher. She looks soft and at times rather fragile, but the truth is she’s a very strong woman (emotionally) and a fighter. Go and dig her older blog entries for proof.

Thank you DNAS, for the wonderful praises.

The rules:
o Write five (5) interesting facts about the person who gave you this award.
o Jot down ten (10) interesting facts about yourself or your hobbies.
o Pick your ten (10 or less) most deserving recipients and describe them.
o Leave a comment on the recipients' blog to tell them they've been tagged.
o Paste the award badge in your sidebar.
o Have fun!

Section 1: 5 Interesting Things About Makcik DNAS

1. She's a fantastic writer, despite being such an IT nerd! Hahah... I always kutuk all the IT nerds on how these people can't write. But boy, she prove me wrong big time!
   
2. She's very opinionated, and I wish I am brave enough to be as opinionated as her sometimes.
   
3. I remember her to be very talented in school - selalu macam active2 la in all sorts of stuff. Sorry la DNAS, aku ni dah memory loss (not as bad as Rina Rahayu but getting there...). But I do remember her as being involved in a lot of extra co-curricular activities.
4. I agree with her that she is a reluctant leader. For example somehow kalau bab2 Srikandi activities the name "Dayang" just comes to mind..Hehehe.. sorry beb...And in school, she's always Head of something.
   
5. In school, I like her because she's not the baik2 type nor is she the jahat2 type (like me). I mean, you know she'll never rat on you if she sees you breaking school rules. I think. And she's just supercool!

Section 2: 10 Interesting Facts About Me

1. I started this blog hoping that it would become an outlet for me to vent out things. Things that I couldn't tell anyone at that time. Initially hoped for it to be an Anonymous blog but I thought what the f&ck... (ok, this is not an interesting fact about me, but mampusla)
   
2. Then, I wrote out of spite. Until I met The Diver. I still write out of spite, sometimes. Does that make me a spiteful person? I don't think so, because I'm never spiteful in real life :P
3. I suffer from delayed emotional reaction sometimes. For instance if someone close to me dies, I don't cry upon hearing the news, but will cry many, many hours after or even the day after..weird.
4. I find cooking therapeutic. But I find cleaning up stressful. So I only like to cook when my bibik is around.
5. I'm not a registered voter, and my dad is an active politician. I really do not know why I'm not one.
6. I grew up in a family that believes in UMNO and the good that is stands for. My aunts, uncles, grandparents have selflessly contributed a lot to the party. And if they did it just to get "projects" they would have been millionaires by now. In the past decade however, I was exposed to the truth. And it's not pretty and it's not the UMNO that I knew when I was a kid growing up in Batu Pahat. Hey, maybe that's why I'm not a registered voter!
7. I still am amazed at how I first "met" The Diver. It makes me smile everytime I think about it.
8. I am a walking irony - you'll understand this if you know me in real life.
   
9. My kids make me melt all the time. I will always say yes to everything they want, but thank god for The Diver who keeps a check and balance :)
10. I'm a big eater. Not like portion big, but more like I can nibble on anything all day... and if someone asks me out for Makan I would most likely say yes. And I have ridiculous cravings all the time, not only when I'm pregnant ok. And my current craving now is : NASI GANJA! (Tak sedar diri kau tu recovering from food poisoning.. cheh..)
    

Section 3: And The Award goes out to...

1. The Diver - aka John F Seademon, aka The Demon, aka my beloved hubby. Fresh out of my divorce, I bumped into his blog, and it was the first time that I actually CRIED reading some guy's blog. Cheh. He's an excellent writer, funny and witty and ridiculously smart. I envy him. And he has a memory of an elephant.
   
2. Chics in Red - I crack up when I read her blog. And I'm proud to say that she's a SRIKANDI, y'all!!!! She's so honest and funny and that's what blogs should be like.
3. Bleepit - I don't know her personally but she's the Queen of Crazy! And a fellow Johorean too, Johor rawkss!!!! I love it that she's so foul-mouthed, but not offensive :) Whatever that means...
   
4. Mat Gebu - I seriously am addicted to this site. The Diver and I always talk about him, and imagining how his life is - what a good life he has with good food and he has a knack for taking saliva-inducing pictures as well.
5. Joe Perantau - aka Joe Bangla heheeh... He's a Malaysian living and working in the States. And if he doesn't crack you up, there must be something wrong with you. I don't know this guy personally but his stories are such an inspiration those yang MALAS KERJA. This guy really slogs, okay.. hats off!
6. A Camera, Three Cats and A Husband - is my sister's blog! Know what, she doesn't have to write longggggg to amuse me. I mean, this is a perfect example how less is more and how a marvellous picture can speak a thousand words.
   

i am woman

I cannot thank God enough for making me a woman.

And no, it's not only because women have more variety of clothes to choose from as compared to men.

I love being a woman because I can look at another woman, and drool and admire her beauty - and not have any sexual inclinations towards her. See men can never understand this... generally, they will not say that another man is "handsome" or "good-looking". They will as much as possible refrain from making comments on another guy's physique. Which is weird.

I just realized this during my trip to Jakarta a few years back. You know how the girls at Plaza Senayan are just... so fashionable and completely made up - with Kim Kardashian hair and legs that go on until forever? I had a ball chick-watching. Actually we were in Jakarta for a water exhibition, and the models that they used for the show was just amazing. Not only were they drop dead gorgeous, they're beauty with brains. They're far away from being bimbos okay... They can really sell their products!

Another instance was when I wanted to buy the Pixy Compact Powder at Pasar Baru in Bandung. That was the first time I wanted to try buying Pixy because some people said that it is a good product. So there I was, asking this lovely Bandung lass about Pixy. And she recommended me another brand which is better, according to her, called La Tulipe. Once she spoke, I was hooked. It's just the way she flutters her eyelids, and the appropriateness of her speech, and use of language. And yes, she was pretty - porcelain complexion and beautiful features.

I mean, can you imagine if you want to buy something at Chow Kit, you will get a Minah Rempit saying, "Akak.. akak cuba arr yang ni.. bagus arr.. " Such a turn off!!!

So in the end, I bought a compact powder, a refill, some collagen face spray and some capsules of cucumber extract. Oh, I even bought a lipstick the same colour she was wearing. Cuz she looked so hot in it.

OK, some of you might think that I have lesbian tendencies for writing all that. But let me make a point here, with Karina Lombard' hot-ass picture right here:



Do I want to get in her pants? Hell no. But do I find her delicious? Hell, yeah. I'd rather gawk at her than probably Tom Cruise (sorry but I don't find him attractive at all). :P

* The Diver, please wipe off that dirty little thought!!!

wayang

Who doesn't like going to the movies? There's always something nostalgic about the big screen.

My first ever visit to the cinema was for Grease - way back in the late 70's, in a quaint little hamlet called Batu Pahat. I can vaguely remember the storyline, but all I know was after watching Grease, I'd make my aunt tie my hair up a la Olivia Newton John everytime I go for music class.

I also recalled my first and only trip to the movies with my dad for Robocop. How the heck that happened I can't even recall.

In the States, I had a ball going to all those mega cineplexes and succumbed to the Malaysian student modus operandi of tengok wayang back-to-back. Meaning you pay for only one movie, and then slip in the other cinema to watch the next one once your movie ends. My record was 5 movies in a row. I watched way too many movies back then.

Watching movies in Malaysia is no fun. There will always be a bunch of loudmouths, rowdy teens, horny couples and ringing handphones. I've developed my own set of house rules when going to the movies:

1. Front half of the cinema please. To avoid distractions, I only seat myself around the F - H rows. No back rows, absolute no no. Biar aku mendongak ke langit, jangan suruh aku duduk belakang.

2. No watching movies on weekends, except when really, really unavoidable. Ie, when we have to take the kids with us. I have in fact, taken annual leave just to catch a movie on a weekday.

3. My pet peeve is going to the movies with someone who laughs too loud. Especially when everyone else is silent. Once a long time ago, I went out on a date with a guy who had a habit of doing that. And I don't mean the HAHAHAH laugh OK, this one was the guttural guffaw that makes me cringe to the bone... Uwek. Terus aku dump dia.

Tu je la, takde la teruk sangat. But all in all, if I ever migrate to the States, one of the reasons would be because I miss going to the movies there. Recently, we went for Star Trek and a group of tudunged teens barely 17 were seated in front of us. As soon as Spock came out, one of them shrieked, "Eh eh.. telinga dia TAJAMMM~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!"

See what I mean.

penipu

This might come as a surprise to you but I used to go out with a married man.

It was a very dark chapter in my life and I am honestly not proud of it. In the 7 years I was married to an abusive, angry, lazy man, I never once cheated on him. I never once looked at a guy and even THOUGHT of having an affair. Even when I was so unloved and so neglected. Never once.

But at the end of my marriage, I went out with a married man and my reputation was tarnished forever (more on my reputation in another post). It happened right before my divorce. Let's just call him Lip Service. See, because I have been stupidly loyal throughout my marriage, the decision for me to go out with Lip Service was made after he actually said he loved me, because I don't simply GO OUT with people. A promise of marriage was made, and then I finally decided that yes, I shall bear the brunt of being The Other Woman, I shall sacrifice and wait for Lip Service to find the "right time" (and I will always tell him that there will never be a RIGHT time) to tell his wife of our relationship and hopefully she will understand and they will get a divorce and we will get married and live happily ever after.

I was not naive. I went into the relationship knowing that it's a 50-50 sing-or-float thing (ek eleh, sink-or-float lah... sorry for the typo). After over a year of clandestine meetings, SMSes, lunches, dinners, tete-a-tete's, I could smell that he was a bit too slow for my own good.

His "I love you's" were uttered too many times, but just not enough. I was heavily involved with him, I helped him conceptualize his business, which was supposed to be an 'avenue' for us to get married (I didn't see the logic behind it at all, but he did) and I was getting way too deep.

Now after 7 years of shit, I was able to rationalize things better. I decided to pull out from the relationship. There were no formal break-ups, no teary farewells - I just faded away. And at that point, he knew that whatever words that came-up from his mouth meant jack shit to me. He knew. Despite his reassurances, I decided to walk away.

The funny thing is, when I was going through all that, The Diver was always there for me emotionally, as a friend. We both sometimes talk to each other about our relationships, and how they're going to end. We laughed, we joked, we bitched. And I'm glad we did all that, because now we completely understand and most importantly value each other so much. *I LOVE YOU DADDYKINS* (iklan jap).

That was why I got a bit pissed when I found out recently that Lip Service's wife thought that him and I were only a fling. It was nothing serious, just a stupid affair that Lip Service dabbled in, probably a mid-life crisis thing. I was pissed, but not surprised, really. In spite of all those talks about marriage, about expanding the business, about spending the rest of our lives together and also he admitted to CONFESSING to his wife of his love for ME, in the end they were all lies. So now I have only one thing to say to him... UP YOURS!

the perils of love

It's pathetic how sparse my updates have been in 2009. Honestly, I put the blame entirely on Facebook because that's a dangerous addiction that I've completely succumbed to. Tak cukup dengan Facebooking, updating status, commenting on people's status and photos - I'm also hooked on Pet Society and Restaurant City. And ini semua salah si Aiz (hahahah!!!).

Anyway, The Diver was away last week in Sipadan and yesterday, after a day arriving from Tawau he was off to Lumut for work. I have this thing when The Diver is away, I will become emotional, and hypersensitive tak tentu arah. And then I start seeking solace on comfort foods, or anything that is within my reach, in this case today on Kartika Sari's Brownies and Pisang Molen that I brought back from Bandung.

Well anyway, that's not my point.

My point is, there is a confession that I have to make.

The Diver and I have been together for more than a year. And usually after a year, relationships start to you know, slow down a bit, and you would want your own "space" (whatever that means). But this time around, it's not like that. And we see each other almost every day, the most we've been away was just for his Sipadan trip, ie, 5 friggin' days.

It hurts to be away from him, and it hurts more even after our more than a year relationship. It seems that I am more dependent on him now than I ever was. I need him more than ever, and can't seem to do without him. I'm becoming Miss Dependent and I love it. I feel all good and flowery and bubbly and too jiwang maybe for my own friends to take. And that scares the heck out of me.

Am I anal? Am I just psycho for feeling this way? Am I just scared of feeling good, feeling loved just because I was so used to a crappy marriage and shitty relationships before?

Let's just leave those unanswered, for now.

with you, i can never ask for more...

This is a thank you note that is long overdue.

These people helped made our nikah ceremony much more meaningful and special. At first The Diver and I wanted an intimate, family and very very close friends nikah, followed by a simple brunch at the Clubhouse. No frills. But with the help of these people it turned out to be still an intimate affair but much nicer than I'd ever thought it would be. And everyone had fun too!

Firstly, I wanna thank my sister, Zaza, for coming home all the way from Japan, with her husband Kazu. I'm so glad that we waited for you to have this wedding, cuz it would've been the wrong thing to do without having you guys around! Zaza and Azrin, my cousin, took so many lovely shots for us that day! (And they work for food too, so we didn't have to pay them!)

Our family of camwhores... Yes people, this was in the mosque...kehkehkeh....

My aunt, cousins and again Kazu and Zaza transformed the Clubhouse into something quite magical. We had garlands of jasmine strewn all over the banister, and we had sundal malam (Komar cakap tuberose) as posies on the tables. The whole place was engulfed in such a heavenly scent!

Props to mah man Dalina, the head florist. Muahahahah.. Buat bunga sambil hisap rokok... who can top that? She got so stressed probably that she wanted to eat all the sundal malams in the pic above.

Zaza and Kazu did this lovely mehndi for my hands. It was a nightmare, they did it at 4 am and it turned out BRILLIANT!I'm also extremely happy that my makeup artist could make it even at the very last minute! Sorry Kak Monnie, my bad! She is so talented and she's also my senior from school. Yes, my Srikandi buddies are good enough for the A-Z's of ANY wedding, I tell ya! Thank you Kak Monnie for hiding my panda eyes and making this 34-year-old bride not look THAT bad.

Having something to eat before the nikah. The girls really calmed me down.. hehehe... Although I was a bit hesitant wearing that little tiara. Tu lah, lain kali jangan kutuk Siti Nurhaliza lebih-lebih.My heart goes out to my Dad (in yellow shirt), for having faith in us. And for agreeing to have the nikah on that day in spite of the crazy busy week that he was having.

Some of my cousins who were at the wedding - thank you for making everything more FUN!! They can laugh all night and day macam orang gila...

To my two naughty ones, Yunus and Medina (Ali not in picture sebab dia kurang naughty) thank you for behaving yourselves at the mosque.

Ida and Ita were gracious enough to be the sponsor of cupcakes that day! Thank you lunch buddies!To our Brady Bunch family, and my new 4 stepchildren - although I only get to be your stepmom on Sundays thank you for accepting me as a part of your lives.

And these people, are my friends till the end. They've been with us through our ups and downs. Amazingly, we don't get tired of seeing their faces at least once a week! And the wedding after-party at Las Carretas kicked assssss!!!!! I love you guys.

And finally, to The Diver - I love the way we always laugh together and also at each other! Thank you for sticking by me in tough times and thank you for knowing me, inside out like the back of your hand. Your understanding is just.... matchless!

My sincerest thanks to all of you for making our big day so special. It was definitely my idea of the perfect wedding - small, simple, fun and I was definitely all smiles!

after 10 minutes, still no title. so what the heck...

The signs. God has shown signs that I should update my blog.

Last year, I did weekly updates, but this year I'm guilty of monthly ones. And my writing - I don't know, it seems that I have lost my mojo. Today, I can't write as well as I could maybe two, three years back, I can't think of anything acerbic when I need to people-bash, I turned to stuffing my face with food rather than write when I'm pissed off with someone... you get the drift. Orang kata, bukan aku, tapi orang... people produce their best works when they're sad, or depressed, or angry... So maybe I should be depressed again? Ish... pegang kayu...sentuh kayu...

Anyway, back to the signs. Gilabaa punya digress kat atas tu...

Something happened yesterday and today that made me realize, maybe those are signs that I should update my lame-ass blog.

Yesterday, after our Sakae Sushi dinner The Diver and I were greeted by this smiley-faced Adik. At first I thought, this must be The Diver's diving anak buah or something, and The Diver thought, hmm.. this must be budak junior STF who knew me...Then suddenly she went, "You guys don't know me but I read your blogs!!!"

Azlin the Adik who reads our blog, The Diver and I...

I didn't know what to feel. Embarrased, mainly because I haven't been updating at all. Embarassed for also not being able to write as coherently or as interestingly as I used to. But of course, I was flattered too! And honoured, for a stranger to come up to you and congratulate you for finally finding true love. And today she e-mailed The Diver, and I'm putting up this one line which made me go AWWWWWWWWW!!!!! , I hope you don't mind Adik...

"If there are people who have given up on hope,love,happiness; I told them how you guys met and what both of you went through."

Cerita belum habis lagi kak.

So an hour ago, I checked my Yahoo mail, since FizRi said he emailed the STF dinner picture to that email address. And guess what I found (besides FizRi's e-mail la)... jeng jeng jeng....

An email entitled, "The Day It's About Time", addressed to me. Cuba teka siapa punya blog posting yang titlenya selalu bermula dengan "The Day".. And she said she "sebak" when she read one of my older posts, and that in turn made me "sebak" HUHUHUH UHUUUUUU....WTF la, must be an STF thing this crying over god-knows-what, but I like being able to be sebak and menyebakkan ... And that's not all she said. I don't think I want to disclose it here but suffice to say, I didn't think she would find my blog enjoyable at all cuz hers is like the Manolo of all blogs.

But anyway, those are the signs my friends. And update, I shall (try).

And I will also try to refute the fact that people can only write their best when they're at their worst.

And before I end, let me indulge you with a group photo (taken by FizRi) of some ladies from our batch from STF, at last week's Glitterati a la Femme Dinner (nama yang sangat takde maknanya... tapi takpe)

me no spik englis

With two events coming up in less than a week, and a pre-planned weekend in Tioman coming up, I barely have time to breathe at the office. But I HAVE to write this because I'm soooooo sick of getting resumes/calls for interships from Mass Comm students who speak worse English than my 7 year old.

Every day, I'm just so appalled at the deteriorating command of English that of our Malay grads. It's amazingly appalling. And I don't know how or why this has become so bad.

I mean, if you say that these grads come from a "kampung" background, I really beg to differ. I come from a not-so-kampung kampung but my primary school friends came from very diverse backgrounds, some even from the lower income group. And we can speak English well because our English teacher, Mrs Tan made us SPEAK English in English classes. So yes, I believe teachers do play an important role in this. Also, our English teacher speaks impeccable English, with proper grammar... unlike English teachers nowadays.

And I hate it when Malays have this stupid notion that when you speak English it makes you less Malay. Bukak la mata sikit... if you work in a multinational company, how are you suppose to climb the corporate ladder when all you can say is "Watper beb? Katner beb?".

And nak kata these grads are SOOOOO excellent in Malay pun tak jugak. When they speak in Malay, they sound like minah / mat rempits. And to make it worse, they won't event ATTEMPT to speak English. I've dealt with so many Chinese suppliers/business partners or whatever, and their English is berterabur as well, but they will just bulldoze and speak as long as the other party can understand what they're saying, they're fine.

I've lost my point in writing this because I've digressed too much. I've just had it with our local Malay grads... the main reason why I'm writing this post is to share with you a snippet of a resume that was sent to me by a UPM Communications student who's majoring in Corporate Communications, in her third year. She's applying for an intership post in my department:

"DIRI SAYA
Saya adalah seorang yang rajin dan bermotivasi dalam mencapai matlamat yang saya inginkan. Saya juga seorang yang mudah dibawa berbincang dan mempunyai kemahiran berinteraksi dengan pelbagai pihak. Ini bersesuaian dengan pengkhususan saya di dalam bidang Komunikasi Korporat. Untuk mencapai kejayaan kita perlu mempunyai pegangan dan ayat ini adalah pendorong saya selama ini “ do or do not, no try-try”."

OUCH.

sometimes i so want to have my own torture chamber for idiots like these

This is a test. Cuba korang baca e-mail bawah ni. Paham tak?

Greetings all,

This year, instead of traditional printed cards, we have opted to go with an environmentally-friendly way to send festive wishes to our friends, business associates and clients. Instead of the traditional paper greeting cards, you can now send e-cards to them! Simply click on this link http://www.xxxx and you’re able to send wishes for the upcoming Chinese New Year.

Since this is new to us, there are quite of a few things that need to be ironed out so please let Rhonda (bukan nama sebenar) and I know should you encounter any glitches.

Please use only the company email addresses (don’t use your Gmail or Yahoo) in the “Sender” box.

Have fun sending out your e-cards and thank you for helping us reduce carbon footprint!

I sent out this email two weeks back to everyone in the company. And this morning sorang Nyonya yang terkenal dengan memakai baju jinjang-joe as office attire dan juga wedding orang Melayu, came to my room and asked,

"Can I have the Chinese New Year cards?"

Nak terbelahak aku masa tu sebab tengah minum teh ais, "Didn't you get my email?" I said.

"Yes I did, but some people want real cards."

Cipet.

Tak paham ke apa yang aku tulis kat atas tu? Was my e-mail unclear or dia yang blur?

Tu je lah nak vent out. Aku memang takde cerita sensasi.

welcoming the new year

Dear 2009,

I hope you will be good to me. 2008 was a good one, but I'm sure you can be better. 2007 was a roller coaster of extreme shittiness and extreme happiness, so 2007 has its ups and downs. 2008 was more stable - in all aspects of my life.

What's good about 2007 is that that was the year that I first met The Diver. Albeit only as friends at first, I finally met this awesome blogwriter whose blog I frequent nightly before I go to bed. That was also the year I was officially divorced, I'd rather call it emancipated - which was good because after all those years of pent-up anger, verbal and physical abuses I managed to free myself from a life that's not worth living. In 2007 too I was going out with one Mr Lip Service who's supposed to take care of me and the kids, someone who promised me the world. It's good that I took everything with a pinch of salt. Somehow 7 years of bad marriage taught me how to not believe.

In early 2008, in fact on 1st January 2008 I let myself free of all the feelings for Mr Lip Service. I could've stayed but I am through with all this drama and fighting and breaking people's hearts. Plus Mr Lip Service had no balls. I shall not elaborate further.

A lot of people say that The Diver and I have a perfect relationship, but in truth all relationships have their own flaws. We have been happy in 2008, and we wish to be happier in 2009. I wish for The Diver to be less temperamental.. and I hope that I can be less picky and moody. Yes I do pick on him on certain days :P But that's only because I love him. Heheh. Make sense ke?

Last year I also had tons of fun with my friends, new and old ones. It's great when you have common friends with your partner - there's no such thing as "your" friends and "my" friends. They're all OUR friends. And both The Diver and I love them to death.

So 2009, I hope you will be awesome to all of us.

Love,
JZ