makcik gemok

56 bloody kgs.

That's what the scale showed when I stepped on it at Rina's house. Yes, at Rina's house right after whacking the hot cekodok, and before that D'Saji's yummylicious nasi minyak and other wedding dishes at Dewan Perdana. And the tapai ice-cream.. oh.. drool... ANYWAY....

Last year in October I weighed 48kgs. And last year I was miserable and working and worrying too hard for my own good.

I'm targeting to lose 3 kgs in a month. How I'm going to achieve that, I don't know but that's my target. Mana tau ada orang boleh buat aku makan hati lagi ke...

this is what happens after more than a month of menanam anggur...

I haven't been cryptic in a while. It's been moons since I last posted something that can be deciphered differently by different readers. Well here goes...

Jealousy.

Damn I hate that word. But I sho' am a jealous person. I might not show it sebab aku perasan cool and will always laugh if off, or sleep it off, or eat it off, depending on the level of jealousness - but I am deep down a green-eyed monster. But dammit, aku takkan admit aku jealous so aku akan buat cranky or wolf down a tub of Ben & Jerry's.

Dulu, I went out with a guy whose work requires him to hang out among celebs, party all night, organize happening events and entertain those who need to be entertained. I was OK. Until one day my insecurity got the best of me, so I decided to end it.

Itu dulu.

Now I am so much more secure of myself. Heheh. Cheh. Well, now at least, if I found out my partner is cheating on me, I have learnt to say "Your loss, ingat aku tak boleh cari yang lain?" Instead of trying to jump off a building or crying my eyes out in bed.

The Diver has a lot of female friends, like, REALLY good looking female friends. Korang tengok la Facebook dia (don't bother if you're not on his FB friend list cuz his is only accessible and searchable to ones on his friend list je). Berlambak awek cun. Someone asked me once, "Kau tak jealous ke?" What is there to be jealous about la... I'm not jealous at all. Not jealous, but CAUTIOUS. Nampak tu...?? Perkataan in CAPS tu???

Well, I have a few guy friends too, and I hope The Diver is OK with that. Even a couple of ex bf's and maybe one who had a crush on me when I was single. But we're platonic friends. One rule that I sometimes use to emphasize the "platonicity" of a relationship is to use the "aku - engkau" pronoun when I converse with certain men. It's like a "dont mess with me" unwritten rule of conversation don't you think so?

Some people use terms of endearment like "Baby", "Honey", "Darling" to people they call friends. Which I sometimes am guilty of too, but now dah tak guna dah la because you know why la kan... Terms like that can be misconstrued as flirting. Especially those yang very the perasan la kan.

Damn. It's that time of the month la... so I don't really actually know what this posting is all about actually and The Diver is napping so aku bosan giler nih.

Hmm.. or maybe there is a meaning behind this greenish-hued posting? *evil grin*

untitled, because if i ever did give this posting a title it would be so foul that blogspot would ban this blog

After three straight days of bingeing on Raya delicacies. I've sworn off the lemangs and the rendangs la.. Until.. until.. err.. I wanna say next Raya but I doubt it.Anyway, malas nak cerita pasal Raya lagi. I'm so over it. But having said that, The Diver and I had a swell Raya together, watching our tummies swell :P

I don't know whether I should blog about this, with this being the festive season and all. But I have to get it off my chest nonetheless.

You see, in my younger days, I went out with a few guys from this particular school which bus almost ran over my car earlier this year. It wasn't a conscious thing that I am always attracted to boys from this school (or is it vice versa?) - it was sheer bad luck I suppose. An evil trick from the powers that be, maybe.

And lo and behold, The Diver is also a graduate from the school. Crap.

I only found out he was from that school after I kinda liked him (tak ingat bila la...). And I thought to myself, oh bollocks, my girlfriends are gonna go "Oh no, not again... Kau ni balik balik budak M**K." Tapi apa boleh buat? Should I punish him from being a product of the establishment? Should I stop liking him just because he was the same batch as one of my ex boyfriends? Should he be my no fly zone?

Persetankan itu semua, I thought.

So I went out with The Diver. And we got serious. Anyhoo, before I started going out with The Diver, officially, I have on several occasions went out with a junior of his by one year. Let's just refer to this guy as Arsenio. Not that he looks like him. Honest. I termed it casual dating, because we went out a few times and then I received an SMS from him saying that he "is not looking into going in a relationship right now because he's concentrating on bringing up his kids and his kids won't be appreciative of a new person in his life". Not his exact words but something to that extent. So I was like, OK. I liked this Arsenio guy. And cool, I'm fine with that because we both were single parents taking care of our children on our own. I respected him for being such a responsible dad. And that was that.

When Arsenio found out that I was going out with the Diver he even Facebook messaged me to congratulate me on finally finding my soulmate. I was touched and thanked him for being so thoughtful. And again, that was that.

Until a few days before Raya when The Diver asked me a few funny question about me and Arsenio. Bear in mind that The Diver knew I was casually dating Arsenio prior to our relationship. So I got a little miffed. Turns out, someone from The Diver's batch actually YMed him, and giving misinformations about my "relationship" with Arsenio.

The Informer even divulged details of my Google talk conversations with Arsenio. Boleh tak ni? The Informer is concerned about my infidelity streak kononnya. Well he didnt actually say that but The Informed said he was concerned about The Diver going out with me. Concerned? I was perplexed.

First of all, I'm pissed that Arsenio even THOUGHT of divulging such information to The Informer. Hello??? Aku pun pernah keluar dengan orang lain dari sekolah kau tapi diorang tak pernah la nak disclose anything because let's just keep the past in the past. I even got quite serious with The Diver's batchmate dulu - I even met the guy's mom. Tapi when I broke up with him takde la pulak dia nak pi report to The Diver what happened between him and I in the past! I can't believe that Arsenio actually showed The Informer our online conversation (yang tak seberapa tu and you know la online conversations can always be misconstrued). Know what, if I was to go out with any other man it would have really jeopardized our relationship. Thank God The Diver is level-headed enough to understand.

People, if you ever break up with you partner, it is only decent that whatever that happened between you and him/her remain between just the both of you. Although takde la nak sign any confidentiality clause, it's basic dating etiquette. It's basic common sense.

What is actually the motive of Arsenio doing that I don't know. Apasal dia bitter sangat aku pun tak tau? Why do you want to jeopardize other people's relationship?

Second, after I went out with The Diver I never saw Arsenio. Ever. I have never cheated on The Diver. This is a classic case of double standards. If a guy is friends with a lot of girls he's a stud, if a girl does that she automatically becomes a slut. Even though she doesn't sleep with any of guys she goes out with. Apasal The Informer concerned sangat pasal aku ni aku pun tak tau. Macam cipet. Yang berlambak2 budak-budak sekolah kau yang girlfriend keliling pinggang kau tak concerned pulak? Kimaks.

Marah tau. Sangat marah. Dah lama tak marah macam ni.

I had some respect for Arsenio when I was friends with him. But now it's all gone down the drain.