Ever since I got back together with The Diver, some people (friends and non-immediate relatives) have been avoiding me. Having said that, I am blessed to also have friends that are supportive and family members that love me to bits whichever road I may take.
A few justified it as "people don't feel comfortable being around a troubled couple" and some said that they didn't think it was a good idea, a frail union they say. Most of them think that I will go through the same thing again in future, and to back out now is the best option.
Run while I still can.
I understand their concern. I may be the forgiving, pushover wife, but I am not the clueless wife.
What I am most upset was the fact that someone said that I stayed because of the "convenience". I don't know who said this but whoever it was, she or he sure as hell don't know what the fuck convenience is. This has been the most INCONVENIENT phase of my life. Ever.
I stayed because of love. Love doesn't pay the bills, love is blind, love makes you lose your sense of judgment. But the best description of love is from a good friend: "Love is mysterious, it can collide with hate and yet it's still called love."
There are things that hurt me, things that The Diver still does. Some behavior that just can't be changed, things that I have tolerated for the past 7 years. Little things that used to NOT matter now matter because of the recent separation.
The fear, the trauma, the anxiety.
Our marriage is complex. I don't expect everyone to understand why I still love him.
Warts and all.
