Ever since I got back together with The Diver, some people (friends and non-immediate relatives) have been avoiding me. Having said that, I am blessed to also have friends that are supportive and family members that love me to bits whichever road I may take.
A few justified it as "people don't feel comfortable being around a troubled couple" and some said that they didn't think it was a good idea, a frail union they say. Most of them think that I will go through the same thing again in future, and to back out now is the best option.
Run while I still can.
I understand their concern. I may be the forgiving, pushover wife, but I am not the clueless wife.
What I am most upset was the fact that someone said that I stayed because of the "convenience". I don't know who said this but whoever it was, she or he sure as hell don't know what the fuck convenience is. This has been the most INCONVENIENT phase of my life. Ever.
I stayed because of love. Love doesn't pay the bills, love is blind, love makes you lose your sense of judgment. But the best description of love is from a good friend: "Love is mysterious, it can collide with hate and yet it's still called love."
There are things that hurt me, things that The Diver still does. Some behavior that just can't be changed, things that I have tolerated for the past 7 years. Little things that used to NOT matter now matter because of the recent separation.
The fear, the trauma, the anxiety.
Our marriage is complex. I don't expect everyone to understand why I still love him.
Warts and all.
6 comments:
Life is complex.
If it wasn't it would be fake.
The only person you need to listen to is yourself.
Life is a gamble and you play your cards how you want to.
What anyone else may think about your life or business should have a hard look at their own because life "IS" complex.
What reasons you have in trying to save your marriage are your own and I am sure you will make the right choices for you.
Those people who turned their back to you only show they are only sunny day people not the hard core friends who stand by you when the shit hits the fan.
Embrace those who are still there with you and fuck the rest.
(Jaga2.. akak nak tulis essay nih! 😆)
I totally feel this post. The heart loves whom it does. There are those around me who show their disapproval when they hear me say that I will always love my ex, regardless of all the (murky) water under the bridge, the tumultuous history between us. It is what it is.
Perhaps those who avoid you do so because they do not know what to say, lest they say something hurtful even though they mean well.
From my observation, people stay together in less-than-ideal situations for so many different reasons. Life is not so 'black and white' like some would like to think. May Allah SWT grant us partners who make us disgustingly happy, partners who are good for us and our Deen. Aameen.
I think I have told you before, if you want to get back together just do it and ignore what other people might say because at the end of the day, this is your life and you dictate how it's going to be.
Not to say it's the right thing to do because surely I don't know [I mean, look at me I am such a mess. Haha!] but if that's what you want, then go for it.
Life is difficult. We all have our problems to deal with. If not in one way . . .so in anotherway. the best we can do is to do our best.
I write about different kind of problems I have met in my life in my blog. . . you are welcome to visit
Walker, there's always a blessing in disguise when something shitty happens.
Dear Ms Kekwat, yes I believe disgustingly happy is an apt enough description.
I do believe some avoided me because they don't really know how to react. I totally understand that. But then again there is a sense of calm after weeding out the unnecessary people in my life.
And yes, Ameen to your prayers.
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