mysterious ways

When I sit and stare and watch the world go by, I always think: God works in mysterious ways.

One day you're in love, and next day you lose that person, and five years down the road you know why God saved you from being with him. Both of you were just not meant to be. Looking back, if you're still with that person, your life would just be worse off in all aspects. Star-crossed lovers, as the story goes.

Then you fall in love with someone else, who you think will be able to love you unconditionally, only to find out later that you are absolutely wrong.

Disillusioned, played, blinded. 

But then again, he has given you everything you needed - comfort, material things, company, security, someone there for you all the time, every time. He can give you the world, but never his whole heart.

So you live with it, you soldier on, these mysterious ways.

 One of my Bali photos. Taken at Tanah Lot.

And then we went to Perhentian, where I dived at Sugar Wreck for the first time.

Here I am trying to post an entry on the second last day of my almost weeklong Bali getaway.

Thoroughly enjoyed it, although as hubs put it this was a "forced vacation" as it was supposed to be for a conference he had to attend, and then cancelled.

Glad we managed to do two dives, although only in Nusa Dua, and can't wait for another round of body massage tomorrow.

More pics in next entry when I get back to KL!



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Location:Island of the gods

holding on

I am quite sure that most of you have witnessed this incident.

A little stray cat comes up to a person in an eatery, and then the person shoos it away. Kitty comes back, meowing. Then the person gives a slight nudge to the kitty with his feet. Kitty loses its balance, and then comes back looking unperturbed. Irritated, the person gave it a stronger kick, screaming "Stupid cat!" at the kitty. It walks away for a while, and comes back again.

To persevere, to hold on, to face the pain in the name of love - does it constitute weakness?

Sometimes it doesn't, because one day that Kitty will be big enough to bite back.

scars

Time may heal but scars are forever.



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those three words

I've tweeted "those three words" before and most people thought I was in need of an "i love you" or "i miss you" or even "i hate you"!

Whenever I'm down in the dumps or in situations that overwhelm me to the core, all I need is....

"Are you okay?"

And that is all.

dusting the cobwebs

If there was an award for Neglected Blog of the Year this would be it.

And whenever I post an excuse of why I neglected you dear blog, there will always be a NEW reason. And this time the NEW reason is because we've been travelling too much that I barely have the time to blog. But of course, the main reason is because I was too busy whacking flies on Twitter.

Back to the travels... no, we haven't been diving at all in 2012! The good news is The Diver has planned for an end June trip to Bali, and we're booked for a November dive trip to our annual pilgrimage - Mabul/Sipadan.

After Bangkok, we flew to London for my FIL's convo, then I went for an all-girls trip to Phuket and after that a freeloader trip to Singapore (freeloader cuz it's all paid for by The Diver's company).

London was superb.

Fave London pic :P

Phuket was too short!

And Singapore was amazing. Cuz we had Lamb Shawarma (quite close in taste to the Taza ones in London) and I raided H&M for two straight days.

And now, I'm so looking forward to Bali!

on being a stepmother

Sometimes I overthink.

Well scratch that. Most of the times, I overthink. And overthinking, mostly in my case, will lead to something disastrous.

I have two teenage stepdaughters, the 16 year old one staying with us, the 19 year old one with my inlaws. And to handle them, especially the one staying with us, is a delicate balancing act.

She's smart, hardworking, pretty but at times, like ALL teenagers, has her own issues. I don't want to dwell on it here but at times I feel like advising her on things that she shouldn't be doing. Which I did.

But when the advice went unheeded, and I need to do it again, I feel like I am nagging already. And suddenly the image of the evil stepmother comes to mind. What would be "normal" for a biological mother to do to her daughter, suddenly becomes something that is sensitive.

What hurts most is that if that becomes the only thing that your stepdaughter thinks of you, someone who nags. What hurts too is that she will say she loves her father, her mother, her siblings, but not me. Never me.

What she doesn't know is that I love her with all my heart, like my own daughter. And I don't want to see her go down the wrong path in life.

What she doesn't know is that if something bad happens to her, if she does not excel in her studies etc, people will point the finger at me for not bringing her up properly.

Ah well, this is expected and I guess as the adult, I should better handle it emotionally. In the meantime, I am stuck with this thankless task.

a first for everything...

February was the month of many firsts.

The Diver finally got his passport renewed and took me to Bangkok. It was my first trip to the city and it helped that he spoke Thai. And it probably the most fun we had on a vacation! I found the city visually unappealing but the people friendly and loved the sightseeing of temples and going up the Chao Phraya. And of course the massages were to die for. We also spent a bomb on custom-made suits and a dress.

Last year The Diver told me he has never donned a wedding band, before... ever.. despite being married more than once :P So, this is what I bought him....

A freaking WEDDING RING! (I went overboard and bought him a Blue Topaz one)... might be too much bling for him but he's my pimp!

Another funny first is that I set foot in The Ship for the first time ever! Ok laugh all you may but all these years whenever I'm supposed to meet someone for a meal at The Ship, SOMETHING always crops up. So finally again, The Diver broke that jinx and took me out for lunch at the Sultan Ismail outlet.

Come Valentine's Day, which both of us don't celebrate. The Diver surprised me with a Valentine gift and a card. For the first time ever, we sorta "celebrated". I suppose after the whirlwind couple of months between us, it's brought back the spark (I hope! Ke aku yang perasan sorang2!).

Probably the most romantic thing he's ever written to me in a long, long time.

goodbye my poet

I took the pill that the doctor prescribed to me, and now I just woke up after 2 hours of sleep. My head is still throbbing, the pain is still there.

I guess the pill was not much of a help.

I once knew a poet who could write poetry that could bring tears to my eyes.

Today, he died.

(in)fidelity

I definitely don't want to sound sexist here but to me, men and women differ greatly when it comes to the question of "what constitutes as cheating?". Of course some exceptions are made but in general, their viewpoints will always differ. Hey, it's a Venus-Mars thing.

One cannot deny that during the course of a marriage, there could be some individuals (other than your spouse) that seem sexually attractive or pleasing to the eye. And no, there is no harm in people-watching or even admiring their looks. I would go as far as that. And beyond that, I call it cheating. Yes, I am THAT traditional.

The problem with cheating happens when a husband-wife team have differing definitions of cheating. For instance the husband goes out for breakfasts / lunches with lady friends. Even friends of the wife for example, without telling the wife. If it was a harmless meal, what's the harm in telling "Hey, I'm going to have lunch with your friend today". Why make it discreet? And sometimes they go as far as telling the friend, "Please make it discreet, don't tell my wife"

Now for the husband, it's ok because no one knows. And for the wife, it's betrayal, because the husband didn't tell her. And why the need for a one-on-one lunch with her friend? But get this, the silliest thing is that.... you asked out a friend of your wife??? Kau rasa kawan tu tak cakap ke ngan bini kau? Or maybe it's just the thrill of getting caught. We will never know.

And especially for the husband, it is NOT cheating because no physical intimacy took place. And that is where we differ boys and girls.

And some engage in online sex or even sex-ting (oh the advents of technology!) and still claim innocence as there was no penetration involved! Amazing! Talk about bending the rules!

Bottomline is, whatever it is that you did to betray the trust of your wife is a form of betrayal, and betrayal is cheating.

But the sad part of this all is that once you've done it, the bond will never be the same again. Yes, your wife might forgive you and all, but no, it will NEVER, ever be the same.

hitched

Happy together....

I was too self-centred in December I did not even mention that a dear friend of mine, Komar, whom I met through Aiz got married that month.

It was special because he got married at 42 (not many people do) and we initially thought he never would!

Cold at the top!

The reception on the groom's side was held at Guar Chempedak, Komar's hometown. So on that Christmas weekend we headed north and put up at the Regency Jerai Resort, as per Komar's recommendation, perched on the tip of Mount Jerai. We were hesitant as first since the last time The Diver went there it was still called a "rest house". But now it's a full fledged resort, with a Spa (that we made full use of)! And the view was exquisite and as far as the eyes can see.

Congratulations again to Komar and Fid, and may it be a fairytale for both of you happily ever after. It's just so lovely seeing them happy together, and that one moment all the trials and tribulations of being in marriage vanished from my silly mind.

May you be blessed with lots of love, laughs and kids in tow.

hello 2012

Sometimes I wish the Mayans' prediction would come true. Just for the sole reason that my loved ones and I can all die at the same time!

What a morbid way to start a 2012 post but that's how I felt today. All negativities aside, my aim this year is to stay calmer and mature in spite of all the things that are going on at home or at the office.

I officially turned 37 on the 27th of December, so that's good. Should the world end in December 2012 I wouldn't live to see 38.

Finally, all the kids are in REAL school already, with Yunus coming back home today telling me he wishes that he's in Year Three instead of One. Ambitious lad. My stepdaughter who's staying with me will sit for her SPM, so this year is an important year for her and I wish her all the best.

The Diver and I went through several ups and mostly downs in 2011 and I hope things will be better this year. Being a woman, and a sensitive one at that, there are things that haunt me still and that I believe has caused some strains in our relationship. Believe me, I wish I was stronger and can just erase the things that hurt. Having said that, I hope both of us can change and tolerate each other more this year, because at the end of the day, our quarrels don't usually last more than 24 hours. And I know I can't live without him more than a day.

Here's to a better 2012.

And I leave you with a picture of when the sun has set on December 31st 2011, taken from a hotel room where we spent our New Year's eve.