on being a commie (not the bintang tiga type)

Two days ago, I left the company after working there for a good six and a half years. On my last day, an engineer colleague asked me, "I've always envied you being in Corporate Comm. Looks like fun. What does it take to be in your department ah?"

So I told him I'll blog about it. Lepas tu aku terpikir dia bukannya tau aku ada blog. Blog pun mungkin dia tak tau menatang apa agaknya. Dasar water engineer. Gi mampus la.

Anyway, DNAS once told me in one of our gatherings that the Corporate Comm girls at her office always get away with wearing outfits that do not qualify as proper office attire - big shades, trendy clothes, things that are out-of-this-world. And whenever I go shopping with Hana and ask her opinion about a certain type of dress or shirt, she'll go "Ala.. OK.. pakai je.. kau kan Corporate Comm".

In any organisation, the Corporate Communications Department will always be the outstanding one. People expect Comms people to be perky, carefree and sometimes a bit on the eccentric side. Skiving is also quite easy - lunch with media, hotel inspections, sourcing for corporate gifts at any shopping mall, meeting with ad agency, or simply "I just need some quiet time so that I can finish up this Chairman's Statement..." (and then go window shopping at KLCC) Heheh... Imagine you're in HR or Finance, it's very hard to find reasons to skive OK...

But Comms my friends, is not any easy department to be in. You're required to know bits of everything and trust me a Degree in Mass Communication will not prepare you for this. In fact, I don't even think you need to major in Mass Comm to be a good Comms practicioner. It takes years of experience to really master the art of being a good Comms person.

Being in this line requires you to know a lot of cheats. When you've mastered it, it's a breeze really. I've been in the Industry for almost a decade now, although 6 years a full-fledged Comms person, so here's what I've learned:

The left side of my desk, every morning will look like this...

READ ALMOST EVERYTHING

This is what I do every day, read ALMOST everything. My limitation is always time - so what I do is I just skim through and get the gist of each article. Dailies are a must - but you also need to keep up by reading Le Prestige or Tatler just so you don't address the who's who of society wrongly when you're hosting the next event. And of course, CNN.com... agak malu la kalau tak tau who's running for the American Presidential election kan... And you just have to be in the know of the latest intellectual topics just so you can be part of the intercourse (ha!!!! SD!!! nampak je intercourse .. terus!!).

HAVE AN EYE FOR DESIGN

No matter how macho you are, a Comms person should always know origami... My colleague demonstrating how to fold our jute bags that were to be given away to share holders during AGM.

In order to be a good Comms person you have to be a bit of David Tutera. OKlah, if not David Tutera, being like Komar is also good enough. Komar always know what looks best on who / what. Trust me, colour coordination really goes a long way from event organizing to AGMs to print publications.

HAVE STRONG HANDS AND PROPER WARDROBE

In other words, know how to carry yourself, a Commie can sometimes be the VIP at events, but most of the times, we're the balachis. So know how to carry yourself, be courteous and always be of help.

One minute you're in a masjid, hosting buka puasa for orphans... the next minute, you're at a golf tourney helping out with the very heavy gifts during an unnecessary half-hour prize giving ceremony.

Strong hands... (bukan I yang cakap ni... someone's dad actually told me I have strong hands...tee hee...)

WRITE AND KNOW THE LINGO

A Comms person MUST know how to write. There are no two ways about this. Even if you're good in event management, or have an eye for design and detail, you can't call yourself a true Corporate Comms person if you don't know how to write a media release. It would be a boost if you can do your own copywriting as well. When I first started, I couldn't even differentiate Revenue and Profits (oi, I majored in International Relations and never took any business or marketing classes OK). Now I can basically talk about most of the things in the Financial Highlights section in the Annual Report.

Let's face it, if we're good at Math, we won't be in Corporate Comm la kan. So throw in a few of the financial jargons over lunch among your mates, and you'll get the respect you deserve.

SMILE AND BULLSHIT, WITH CONFIDENCE

Whatever it is, SMILE. In any crisis, smile first before you fix anything. A comms person must always smile. Look at IT people (the ones in the company that I just left at least), when they fix things, they look so stressed out and they just emanate negative vibes. Programmers, SAP consultants, what-have-you... they look like they have something up their asses (I'm so going to get it from DNAS, but DNAS, you're an exception)

At a conference we organized, the laptop was taking forever to start.. blank screen, and the Mat Salleh was suppose to present in like 5 minutes. But still, smiles all around. If the Comms person stop smiling, everyone will stop smiling.

Another tip: I've always hated public speaking, so anytime someone wants me to Emcee an event I'll cringe. I'll freeze. I'll do anything to get away from that. So one day when I was asked to Emcee, I decided to smile. Try it! Your voice will sound more soothing (attractive to the opposite sex LOL) and audible, and you will feel much, much more relaxed.

BE READY TO FLUFF

I like to call us "fluffers". If you don't know what time means, Google it up and I guarantee you Wikipedia has the answers. Before any event such as AGMs, launches, PCs... you're supposed to make small talk with the bosses, make sure they're at ease.. make sure they're in a happy zone, etc

Fluffing up the Chairman... the one at the back is our male fluffer...

Ha.. look ah.. fluffer mesti in any picture ada enter frame juga.... The guy on the left needs a really good fluffing...

In a nutshell, I'd say a Comms person is very much a Jack/Jill of all trades. Does that make us lesser beings? HELL NO. We're blessed with the ability to cross-departmentalize, understand people better and fathom all the goings-on in an organization from the lowest rung up to the top echelons. And oh, we can wear anything we want!!!

i don't have anything important to blog about, but it's not as boring as a certain someone's blog

When i had longer hair, at Concorde's Hari Raya do. (heavy sigh) I wish I had hair like ZZ's though...

Unruly pun takpe, asalkan long hair...

I really miss my long hair. I had this hair the first time I went out with The Diver, in March 2008. Then a month after that, I cut it short.

Ini semua gara-gara mendengar cakap si Eddie bapok at my second saloon. Posh Spice kepala hangguk dia. Kalau tak blow rambut, rambut aku jadi macam bontot itek kau tau tak Nyah?? Kau saja nak kenakan aku Eddie, kau saja nak suruh aku tiap-tiap hari blow rambut kat kedai kau so that kau boleh cukup duit nak gi vacation to Jakarta ngan boyfriend Arab kau tu. Siut kau Eddie.

Kalau aku baru bangun tidur, lagi horror. Sometimes after looking in the bathroom mirror I wonder how The Diver always maintain a straight face when he sees me with my morning hair. Pandai betul berlakon mamat tu. I would have cringed in disgust if I were him.

So jadinya, my hair now...

Eddie, kau dah buat rambut aku macam nyonya jual sayur... (well plus I've gained 4 kgs than the long hair pictures above lah...)

Any tips to hasten hair growth???

the gas i passed

I was sound asleep last night and suddenly I heard a whisper,

"Sayang, you farted."

I was too sleepy right there and then, so all I could muster was, "When?" and went back to sleep.

He didn't reply. Instead, he lovingly tucked the edges of my comforter. As I curl myself and snuggled up against him, I thought - this is the man who talks AND blogs religiously about the hows, whens, whys and whats of crapping, this is the Ultimate Master of Crapology and Shitonomics -and he can wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me that I farted? Cheh! Double standards! It was only a FART for Pete's sake.

And so I woke up the next morning, and went to the bathroom. And naturally, let out some air before I entered the shower. HOLY MACKEREL! &*%%*$#@!!!! The odour was... oh God, putrid was an understatement. Quite honestly, I've never let out anything so vile. It smelled as if a skunk walked up my arse, died and was left there to rot for three days.

I slapped my forehead and thought... "Holy sh*t. No wonder he woke me up! If this was the smell I let out last nite... oh god.. how can I ever face him again??? OH no oh no oh no oh no ohhhh nooooo..."

Why the outrageous odour you ask? Well I was constipated since two days ago, so yesterday I took two laxative tablets during the day (directions say that you're supposed to take them at night before bed). So I suppose the laxative stayed too long in my tummy that it help accelerate and accumulate poisonous gases kot? I don't really know but that's what I think happened... The smell of my fart was so unnatural that I had to look in the mirror to actually know that it was me who farted in the bathroom. Moral of the story: Please read AND follow directions when taking laxatives.

I stood there in the bathroom after the shower, not wanting to face him ever again. Maybe I should break up with him, I thought. See, I was begitu embarassed sekali with last night's faux pas. In the end I braced myself, and went for breakfast with him, as normal. Spoke about last nite's incident casually, he even threw in an Indian "Big Chief, No Shit" joke. It all went well. I suppose if we were to live the rest of our lives together, there'd be more moments like this.

And oh, remember I wrote that he tucked the edges of my comforter in after I farted? It was not the normal tucking-you-in-before-bed thing ok. He told me the smell was so rancid that he had to ensure that I was really kedap udara so that none of my gases would seep out to his side of the bed.

But the clincher was at 9.45 am at work, I received this SMS from him:

"I tetap sayangkan you walaupun kentot you membunuh 1000 orang dengan hanya satu das."

If that ain't love, I don't know what else is.

i confess

My YM conversation with The Diver earlier this evening:

John SeaDemon: u've always done well writing about your feelings...u have always written as if u r strong...putting up that facade...but there has never been an emotional entry
jasmeenz: i cant write la
jasmeenz: i cant write like you
jasmeenz: i cant write half as good as you
John SeaDemon: u can
John SeaDemon: one of the reasons i was afraid to approach u, or didn't believe u when u proposed to me was bcos of the way u portrayed yourself...strong, gutsy etc
jasmeenz: i know
jasmeenz: and im not strong
jasmeenz: once you get to know the real me
John SeaDemon: i know
John SeaDemon: totally different to the person i thought i knew

I watched him while he was napping this afternoon. And it suddenly struck me. I am completely in love with this person. Then, at that moment, it just hit me like a rock. I love this person, with every fibre of my being.

This is me. The real me. It takes time for me to fall in love, like, completely fall for someone. But once I do, I'm floored. I'm done. I'm as good as gone.

When I fall in love, I give my all. Completely, my love knows no bounds, it's limitless. And today I just realized that this relationship has gone to that level.

Then it all starts pouring in - the concerns, the worries, the need to understand, the need to sacrifice. So when he woke up and we hugged, I can't help but cry. He looked perplexed. I don't think he understood the lachrymose me. It's not just about us having to be apart every day, and him having to divide his time between where he stays and where I am. It's about the bigger picture.

I'll be moving to JB end of the year. My new job starts in July. I will be at Menara TM before the exodus to JB, and there's no exact date yet for that. Eventually, he will be moving to JB. At least, that's what we planned for. The big move down south and a year-end wedding, God willing.

The thought of him being away from his kids to be with me kills me. It does. How can I sleep at night knowing that I am the person who's responsible for separating him and his kids? Even now, everytime he's with me I'll start thinking about when he's going to go home to his kids. It's at the back of my mind. All the time. I have that guilt. All the time. But at the same my heart bleeds, everytime we're apart.

Yes, this is me. I'm not strong, I'm hopeless. I overanalyze. I wallow in guilt. And I love him.

in love again (or why I finally said yes to scuba diving)

It's Monday morning. Half of the office is scrambling to make copies and last minute changes to the board papers for this morning's special BOD meeting. As for me, I'm here updating this blog while skimming through Kam Raslan's column in The Edge. Yup, I'm doing nothing. I have two more weeks in this company, so nothing is the thing that I should be doing right now. I better get on with the Perhentian Trip update. I know, I've been slacking.

I haven't been on a vacation in 7 years. Throughout the 7 years, vacation meant going back to my then in-laws in Alor Setar/Sg Petani and whack Nasi Kandar. Or going back to BP/JB and whack Asam Pedas and Briani Gam. Or dropping by Penang to visit my SIL. My last real vacation was with my sister and her friend in Tioman before I was married. And oh, the honeymoon at Langkawi's Tanjung Rhu Resort.

We had this Perhentian trip planned over someone's drunken stupor :P (not me, ah) two months back I think. And I'm glad it materialized - I suppose GemGem threatening to whoop the asses of those who will chicken out of this trip really worked.

The stunning view from our chalet...

Betch President mengamuk after my coup attempt.

My Snorkel Master.. hahahahaha...a.k.a. The Sea Cowboy

We left for Perhentian on Thursday 29th May and came back on Sunday nite. It was one of the best vacations in my living memory. It did help that the trip was with The Diver and friends that I've known since forever. We stayed at this nice little place called New Cocohut, the normal rooms are a bit crap (we stayed in one of those for a night because chalets were full) but the Seaview Chalet is much much better and worth the money. Gombak4Life and LiverBabe did their Discovery Scuba, Rina taught me how to put on a snorkel mask, I taught her that spit helps to keep your mask fog-free. Good eh, for someone who's never snorkelled before.

LiverBabe enjoyed her Discovery Scuba so much that she kept on mentioning to me HOW BEAUOOOTIFOOOLL it is to experience the joy of diving, the magic of the underwater world etc etc... 10 million gazillion times, I think she must have forgotten that I'm going out with a diving legend (or so, they say). Sebab mulut bising dia tu lah, The Diver proclaimed during one of the makan sessions in Perhentian, "She (Read: Me!!!) is going to take up diving as well..."

And that statement came out of nowhere. See, during the first few weeks of our relationship, both The Diver and I agreed that we were not going to share the same interests, and that he will not persuade me into taking up scuba-diving just because that's his passion. Cis. Tipu je semua tu.

The only valid excuse that he uses now is: "If we're on a trip together, what are you going to do when I dive?" And since we're planning for a Sipadan honeymoon, it got me thinking. But then there's always books to read, food to eat, Internet to surf, hotbods to ogle, beaches to stroll (ada ke?).

Pasal korang la aku kena ambik open water ni...

Last week he took me to the dive shop at Sri Hartamas, just to inquire about the open water course and maybe to get me comfortable with the whole thing. Remember, I never said I will do the open water course, I never said yes but he ASSUMED that my silence meant that I agreed. So there I was in the dive shop, and I saw some LOVELY pink fins and some really really really cool Dive Junkie t-shirts... Hmmm... And some cool dry packs/bags and other dive paraphernalia that are quite fashionable. And when I saw The Diver in his wetsuit at Perhentian, it DID make him look much slimmer. So instead of doing my usual shopping at shopping malls, maybe I can switch to dive shops... So technically, I only made up my mind that I will do the open water course only after the trip to the dive shop.. hahahah.. Can you believe that? Not even a diver boyfriend, or a trip to Perhentian can convince me that I should take up diving. But one trip to the dive shop and I'm in, man!!! I mean... I would love to wear those Dive Junkie t-shirts... but I can't be wearing it if I don't dive, kan? I'm no poser, OK.

Big-ass digression up there. This was supposed to be a Perhentian update, kan.

Well anyway, the Perhentian trip was just brilliant. Had a lot of food stops, and berak stops - because all the other passengers in the Naza Ria except for me have excellent metabolism and crap every few hours. And oh, my baby's Naza Ria is definitely more ganas than GemGem's Beemer (7 series ok). I didn't have my camera with me, so the pics are all taken from LiverBabe and The Diver's Facebook album.

I don't think anyone's seen us this happy. Not in a long time.

And this was the sunset that we shared, The Diver and I. It felt like falling in love all over again.

Shoot, they're still milking me for what I'm worth here. The CFO just said Hi and wants a media release out by 3 pm. Cipet.