the gas i passed

I was sound asleep last night and suddenly I heard a whisper,

"Sayang, you farted."

I was too sleepy right there and then, so all I could muster was, "When?" and went back to sleep.

He didn't reply. Instead, he lovingly tucked the edges of my comforter. As I curl myself and snuggled up against him, I thought - this is the man who talks AND blogs religiously about the hows, whens, whys and whats of crapping, this is the Ultimate Master of Crapology and Shitonomics -and he can wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me that I farted? Cheh! Double standards! It was only a FART for Pete's sake.

And so I woke up the next morning, and went to the bathroom. And naturally, let out some air before I entered the shower. HOLY MACKEREL! &*%%*$#@!!!! The odour was... oh God, putrid was an understatement. Quite honestly, I've never let out anything so vile. It smelled as if a skunk walked up my arse, died and was left there to rot for three days.

I slapped my forehead and thought... "Holy sh*t. No wonder he woke me up! If this was the smell I let out last nite... oh god.. how can I ever face him again??? OH no oh no oh no oh no ohhhh nooooo..."

Why the outrageous odour you ask? Well I was constipated since two days ago, so yesterday I took two laxative tablets during the day (directions say that you're supposed to take them at night before bed). So I suppose the laxative stayed too long in my tummy that it help accelerate and accumulate poisonous gases kot? I don't really know but that's what I think happened... The smell of my fart was so unnatural that I had to look in the mirror to actually know that it was me who farted in the bathroom. Moral of the story: Please read AND follow directions when taking laxatives.

I stood there in the bathroom after the shower, not wanting to face him ever again. Maybe I should break up with him, I thought. See, I was begitu embarassed sekali with last night's faux pas. In the end I braced myself, and went for breakfast with him, as normal. Spoke about last nite's incident casually, he even threw in an Indian "Big Chief, No Shit" joke. It all went well. I suppose if we were to live the rest of our lives together, there'd be more moments like this.

And oh, remember I wrote that he tucked the edges of my comforter in after I farted? It was not the normal tucking-you-in-before-bed thing ok. He told me the smell was so rancid that he had to ensure that I was really kedap udara so that none of my gases would seep out to his side of the bed.

But the clincher was at 9.45 am at work, I received this SMS from him:

"I tetap sayangkan you walaupun kentot you membunuh 1000 orang dengan hanya satu das."

If that ain't love, I don't know what else is.