a balancing act

I can truly say that I have found happiness after being married to The Diver last year. It's my second shot at making marriage work, making life work, and making the kids' lives as 'normal' as possible, whatever normalcy means.

But being a stepmother (although his kids do not stay with us) and him being a stepfather - we both have tricky roles to play. It's all about balance, and being delicate and firm and at the same time, and most times it is a thankless job.

I know The Diver, at times, is not completely happy because of the fact that his kids are not under the same roof as us. And I know he misses them terribly. This, on my part, has caused a lot of guilt and self-imposed restrictions on how I treat my kids too.

When I was a single mother, I used to spend a lot of time with my kids, over the weekends, taking them out, even on weeknights. Now that I am married to The Diver, I do less of those, but spend more time with them at home. Two days ago when The Diver had to go outstation for work, Ali came up to me and said, "Dah lama kita tak hang out kan Ma? Remember when you used to drive me to see the lights at night?" He paused and continued, "Masa mama sorang-sorang dulu..."

So that night we went out for a McDonald's supper together and I explained to him that now I have more things to think about, more responsibilities as a wife to his stepfather. I told him that I am also mother to his other step-siblings. One thing for sure is that I know Ali would love to be around his step-siblings.

I don't know, I am happy to be a mother to a total of 7 children but it is sometimes emotionally exhausting. I try my best to 'jaga hati' The Diver especially at home so that my kids do not get on his nerves too much and also I try my best to ensure the kids that yes, The Diver loves them a lot, although he is a stepfather he has been thus far, a true father to them in all sense of the word.

All in all, I am trying my best to lessen the burden that The Diver has to bear when he's with us.

It is tiring sometimes, I must admit. But when I come home to see my kids and The Diver laughing, talking and joking around together, it is all worth it.

Assimilating to stepfather

alive, but barely

I'm talkin bout this blog, which I hope to keep alive... Note that I typed "hope" instead of "promise" or "will strive to" :0

Anyhoots, reasons that have kept me away from updating this are too many to list out, first there's....

1. WORK - eh lame giler excuse ni... semua orang pun work kan... Besides a few events and having a ton of stuff to do, Internet connection is horrible at the office.

2. DIVE - I am happy to note that I did my 45th dive (since August 2009, not bad at all!) a couple of weeks ago in Tioman, and had a magical trip to Sipadan in April 2010. The Diver kept on harping on how I had said that I will NEVER dive and all that, because right now... I am a complete junkie. Siap baca Dive magazines bagai... and The Diver finds this all too amusing and at times annoying, now that I'm so into it.

Turtle and I, at lovely Sipadan.

The gang in Sipadan. Best dive trip ever :) and planning to go again November 2010!!!

3. FACEBOOK - namely Farmville and catching up with old friends, and commenting on friends' statuses and responding to their comments.. oh gosh... I'm such a junkie too... And with some people the best and fastest way to get to them is via their FB inboxes... Geez people!!!

....and oh crap I hate listing 'em all out but yes I have been pre-occupied. Our old Bibik had to go back to her hometown for good and we have a new Bibik now whom the kids totally adore. It's been around six months since we've vacated Kg Warisan and my dad is planning to refurbish the place and I dunno probably make it look less "kayu".

And oh yeah, The Diver and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary on 21st March 2010... and what a "celebration" it was.... He was attending a course in Lumut and I was gallavanting with the gals in Bali. Well, what to do kan when duty calls for him...Anyway we had our celebratory dinner after he picked me up at the airport :) We went for one of our usual hangout, Las Carretas in Ampang. See, I'm so low maintenance nowadays...

Besides gaining 20 million kgs over the past couple of years, (yes to those bitches who hate me you can laugh your asses right about now), life has been sweet.

I'm slowly loving and adapting to this house. Can't blame me because after more than a decade staying in a tiny shoebox apartment I find it quite daunting to manage a double storey four-bedroom house... See, I'm so lembik too! The kids are also enjoying their space and land and proximity to the playground.

I hope the rest of the year turns out to be good for us all - friends, families, officemates, etc. Some friends even found love this year (ahem, ahem Rainmaker) and hopefully I get to eat nasi minyak di tepi sawah before the year is over. (Ni gaya penutup macam tak nak update blog until December je ni)

I shall try to update more often. I kinda miss maintaining my blog like I used to.

p/s: I missed out one of the reasons of me putting up this post.. sebab takut kena belasah ngan Bro Rina, I think she's miffed that balik2 bukak blog ni citer pasal Valentine's Day...