a balancing act

I can truly say that I have found happiness after being married to The Diver last year. It's my second shot at making marriage work, making life work, and making the kids' lives as 'normal' as possible, whatever normalcy means.

But being a stepmother (although his kids do not stay with us) and him being a stepfather - we both have tricky roles to play. It's all about balance, and being delicate and firm and at the same time, and most times it is a thankless job.

I know The Diver, at times, is not completely happy because of the fact that his kids are not under the same roof as us. And I know he misses them terribly. This, on my part, has caused a lot of guilt and self-imposed restrictions on how I treat my kids too.

When I was a single mother, I used to spend a lot of time with my kids, over the weekends, taking them out, even on weeknights. Now that I am married to The Diver, I do less of those, but spend more time with them at home. Two days ago when The Diver had to go outstation for work, Ali came up to me and said, "Dah lama kita tak hang out kan Ma? Remember when you used to drive me to see the lights at night?" He paused and continued, "Masa mama sorang-sorang dulu..."

So that night we went out for a McDonald's supper together and I explained to him that now I have more things to think about, more responsibilities as a wife to his stepfather. I told him that I am also mother to his other step-siblings. One thing for sure is that I know Ali would love to be around his step-siblings.

I don't know, I am happy to be a mother to a total of 7 children but it is sometimes emotionally exhausting. I try my best to 'jaga hati' The Diver especially at home so that my kids do not get on his nerves too much and also I try my best to ensure the kids that yes, The Diver loves them a lot, although he is a stepfather he has been thus far, a true father to them in all sense of the word.

All in all, I am trying my best to lessen the burden that The Diver has to bear when he's with us.

It is tiring sometimes, I must admit. But when I come home to see my kids and The Diver laughing, talking and joking around together, it is all worth it.

Assimilating to stepfather