money no enuff

After my graduation in the summer of 1997, I went back to Malaysia thinking that I could do a bit of jalan-jalan cross country. But as soon as I got home, my dad started to bug me on when JPA was gonna call and offer me a job. Aku rasa nak cakap je, "Kau baca paper tiap2 hari kau tak tau ke sekarang ni tengah Asian financial crisis?" Tapi takpela. I waited and waited and JPA didn't call.

So my dad yang tak sabar-sabar sebab aku menghabiskan beras dia, hooked me up with his good friend who's an MD of a listed company who's in need of a PA at the JB office. That was my first job, PA-ing. I was paid RM1,800 per month. I had too much time on my hands because my boss was also CEO/MD at other companies and was rarely in that office.

Walaupun gaji aku ciput tu je, aku rasa cam kaya sangat. Sebab boleh beli baju korean silk, ada handphone nasi lemak, pergi melawat then BF kat KL, etc. Naik flight lagi okay.

But hey, how can I, whose degree was International Relations be contented with being a PA to a non-existent boss? So I started job-hunting, and finally landed a job at a web development company in KL, as a Web Content Executive with the same pay. Remember that this was 1997/98 so it's the internet boom days lah. And at the same time, JPA offered me a post with a pay of RM1,500.

So mana mau pilih? Keja gomen or keja tempat happening yang boleh pakai jeans every day (the Internet thingy was WAYYY too cool way back then)?

I chose the job at the web development company. At this point looking back, I'm glad that my dad didn't even once interfered on my career path process. Hmm.. bagus.. bagus....

Fast forward, aku pernah jadi City Editor, VP of Web Content in a couple of web-based companies. And of course, with the pay increase I started indulging more and more in brands that I have been so fond of every since my uni days, and some even from my high school days.

And money was never enough.

When I was married to my deadbeat ex and after my children came, I started to do a lot of budget reallocation. For instance, switching to cheaper facial cleansers, buying generic brands masa beli groceries, etc. But I still indulged from time to time, especially masa dapat bonus. And I'm always thinking.. oh.. when I'm rich I will buy this and that and this and that... I was always craving and envying and all that.

I also did part-time freelance editing work to supplement my income, throughout my marriage and more so after my divorce. And after the divorce when I was going out with Lip Service he did give me money which made me felt really CHEAP. So in return, I offered some copywriting / branding services for his company. I don't think this would work lah, since it made me feel soooo OWNED and not good for my morale. And I thought, macam mana la eh orang kalau ada sugar daddy? The feeling is not good at all.

Now that I'm married to The Diver and all settled and stable, with the benefits of combined income, something changed in me.

I no longer have the insatiable desire to shop for things I don't need. I've managed to curb my spending habits and am no longer the shopaholic I once was. I do splurge at times, I still have my handbag cravings, but I rarely give in to unplanned temptations.

And for once, I felt that I have grown up.