that's just how i am

Some people, including The Diver, have remarked that my blog has lost its lustre. That it's not the blog that it was before, where lots of bitching and moaning and whacking members of the opposite sex as well as pesky biatches took place.

Yep, it's not.

First of all, besides not having the time to write as often, the other reason why my writings have become less scandalous is that, I got married.

Like I said, I am still somewhat a traditionalist at heart. I believe that once you're married you have to maintain a certain "decorum" whether or not the other half insists or not. For me, it's important. And when I mention decorum, takde la macam kena maintain habis and become a Catholic nun, and change yourself to someone that you're not. To me, it's a form of self-censorship, although not the extreme kind.

And besides being a traditionalist, I can be somewhat of a green-eyed monster too. Please note that I wrote "somewhat". The Diver and I are considered very open and liberal and we do the cheek-pecking with our friends be it male or female. I am completely fine with that. But there are things that bug me. Weird things. Like when The Diver TWEETS constantly with a lady acquaintance that we met only once or twice, I felt a bit... WEIRD. Hence, the term acquaintance. I am fine with old friends, mutual friends, good friends, but acquaintances.... hmmm... I'm NOT fine.

I don't know if I'm becoming too restrictive and behaving like a jealous makcik of a wife or whatever, because I'm really not.

Having said all that, yes I will try to make this blog more of a bitching blog. Because hell yes I have a lot to bitch about still. The first person I can think of is this moron of a big-headed woman who works in this office, for lack of a better nickname will be called Cik Kam from now onwards.

Watch out for that.

p/s: I edited the word tweets to become TWEETs. To emphasize that it was on Twitter, and not on Facebook. Gosh, I hate being specific.

truly blessed

I'm very happy that The Diver and his parents are finally on talking terms. After a few strange twists of fate, the family is now back together and I finally won't feel awkward everytime there's a PTD event going on. I'm happy, we're truly blessed.

And I hope this coming Hari Raya will be a more meaningful one for all of us.

Talking about Hari Raya, this is the first time that I'll be spending Raya in KL, with all my stepchildren who will be staying with us during Raya break. And for the first time in Malaysia, I shall be cooking the Raya spread. I wrote in Malaysia because when I was studying in the States I was the Chef for Raya dishes every year. I'm quite nervous about that though. Maybe I should do a food rehearsal next week.

On another note, I always get overly emotional during fasting month. Maybe it's the lack of sugar, maybe it's the constant battling of hunger and thirst. I dunno.

Whatever it is, I still find certain normally acceptable things rather annoying. That makes it worse because for most people it might be acceptable, but for me...hmmm... OK, I hate being cryptic so I guess I'll just end it here.

the feast of fasting

Beef Curry with Potatoes, on the first day of Ramadhan

Today is the 7th day of fasting and so far, we've been having our iftars at home with the children and the maid. Most times I would cook, nothing too elaborate but of course that is much better than having to buy food at those Ramadhan bazaars. I not only find the place annoyingly smoky but the quality of food has also deteriorated over the years, with the exception of a few familiar stalls.

Salmon Head Assam Pedas on the third day of Ramadhan

Spena & Komar, at one of our iftars.

Some days, we had friends over for potlucks, which is a common thing at our home every year. It's just more fun to have iftar with close friends rather than alone, well at least that's what I think.

Anyway, three more weeks to Hari Raya and I still have yet to fulfill my mission of making my own Raya cookies :(

Sometimes I think I should get myself a good mixer, like a Kenwood or KitchenAid. But then if I get me one of those and don't bake till I break mesti nanti kena kutuk dengan The Diver. Ok then I'll just settle for this brandless mixer of mine anyway.

Having said that, I am SO EXCITED that I will soon receive a premix for the Red Velvet Cake from Little Bowl Cupcakery all the way from Okayama, Japan. I got the privilege to taste them cuppies last year(thank you Sis!). Little Bowl Cupcakery is operated by Zack Abdul, a friend of my sister who is now residing in Okayama. The cakes are not only gorgeous but they taste just superbly heavenly. Am gonna make these babies for Raya, definitely!

Anyway, I will and I shall at least make ONE type of cookie for Raya. I will I will I will!!!

Well people, keep on fasting and feasting!

and the fasting month begins...

I'm still very much a traditionalist when it comes to Ramadhan.

I love having iftar at home, with the family.

I hate queuing up at long hotel buffets, and if I must have iftar outside, I'd rather it be in a small, intimate restaurant. Mamak pun mamak la, kalau mamak tu intimate I'm okay...If not, I'd rather be home, even if it means having something as simple as an egg sandwich and air sirap :)

Anyway, I thank God for again letting us spend Ramadhan together this year. Today is the first day of Ramadhan, and I made beef curry and sambal telur. Since The Diver wants to go on a no-rice diet this fasting month I had to think of dishes that can match with bread or paratha or naan or whatever.

Oh, my aim this year is to make at least 2 types of Raya cookies. Let's just see if I'm all talk and no action! Hahah!

Ramadhan Kareem everyone!

i'm still here

Every time I want to write a new blog post, I hesitate. I have no idea why. Maybe because I am sick of my own little trivialities and whinings about work and stuff relating to it. Maybe too it's because there are just so many things happening around me that I don't even know what to bitch about. And maybe because everytime I start to write, I would go "ohhh there are other bigger issues in the world that I should write about..." But alas, here I am again, devoid of anything intellectual or clever.

For a good part of this year there were a lot of news of deaths and friends and family who are diagnosed of some form of serious illnesses. After the passing of one of my juniors, Azura Hani who left us due to leukimia, and after watching a section on CNN of this woman who kept a blog until her death (can't remember the URL), I sort of developed this habit of reading blogs of people with terminal illnesses.

And then there's there's the passing of the late Ruby Ahmad followed by one of the 'makcik' bloggers, Raden Galoh of onebreastbouncing.

It's just so depressing. Yet it also made me thankful of the life and health that I'm blessed with.

It also makes me realize the fragility of life, and after that, any news of friends and family who fall sick kinda shook me up a bit.

I suppose that's the real meaning of growing up or to put it less mildly, getting old.

Meantime, I'm just enjoying my time here on Earth with loved ones, my kids, my family and my clown of a husband...



and also diving, whenever I can (the hair cracks me up!)...

a balancing act

I can truly say that I have found happiness after being married to The Diver last year. It's my second shot at making marriage work, making life work, and making the kids' lives as 'normal' as possible, whatever normalcy means.

But being a stepmother (although his kids do not stay with us) and him being a stepfather - we both have tricky roles to play. It's all about balance, and being delicate and firm and at the same time, and most times it is a thankless job.

I know The Diver, at times, is not completely happy because of the fact that his kids are not under the same roof as us. And I know he misses them terribly. This, on my part, has caused a lot of guilt and self-imposed restrictions on how I treat my kids too.

When I was a single mother, I used to spend a lot of time with my kids, over the weekends, taking them out, even on weeknights. Now that I am married to The Diver, I do less of those, but spend more time with them at home. Two days ago when The Diver had to go outstation for work, Ali came up to me and said, "Dah lama kita tak hang out kan Ma? Remember when you used to drive me to see the lights at night?" He paused and continued, "Masa mama sorang-sorang dulu..."

So that night we went out for a McDonald's supper together and I explained to him that now I have more things to think about, more responsibilities as a wife to his stepfather. I told him that I am also mother to his other step-siblings. One thing for sure is that I know Ali would love to be around his step-siblings.

I don't know, I am happy to be a mother to a total of 7 children but it is sometimes emotionally exhausting. I try my best to 'jaga hati' The Diver especially at home so that my kids do not get on his nerves too much and also I try my best to ensure the kids that yes, The Diver loves them a lot, although he is a stepfather he has been thus far, a true father to them in all sense of the word.

All in all, I am trying my best to lessen the burden that The Diver has to bear when he's with us.

It is tiring sometimes, I must admit. But when I come home to see my kids and The Diver laughing, talking and joking around together, it is all worth it.

Assimilating to stepfather

alive, but barely

I'm talkin bout this blog, which I hope to keep alive... Note that I typed "hope" instead of "promise" or "will strive to" :0

Anyhoots, reasons that have kept me away from updating this are too many to list out, first there's....

1. WORK - eh lame giler excuse ni... semua orang pun work kan... Besides a few events and having a ton of stuff to do, Internet connection is horrible at the office.

2. DIVE - I am happy to note that I did my 45th dive (since August 2009, not bad at all!) a couple of weeks ago in Tioman, and had a magical trip to Sipadan in April 2010. The Diver kept on harping on how I had said that I will NEVER dive and all that, because right now... I am a complete junkie. Siap baca Dive magazines bagai... and The Diver finds this all too amusing and at times annoying, now that I'm so into it.

Turtle and I, at lovely Sipadan.

The gang in Sipadan. Best dive trip ever :) and planning to go again November 2010!!!

3. FACEBOOK - namely Farmville and catching up with old friends, and commenting on friends' statuses and responding to their comments.. oh gosh... I'm such a junkie too... And with some people the best and fastest way to get to them is via their FB inboxes... Geez people!!!

....and oh crap I hate listing 'em all out but yes I have been pre-occupied. Our old Bibik had to go back to her hometown for good and we have a new Bibik now whom the kids totally adore. It's been around six months since we've vacated Kg Warisan and my dad is planning to refurbish the place and I dunno probably make it look less "kayu".

And oh yeah, The Diver and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary on 21st March 2010... and what a "celebration" it was.... He was attending a course in Lumut and I was gallavanting with the gals in Bali. Well, what to do kan when duty calls for him...Anyway we had our celebratory dinner after he picked me up at the airport :) We went for one of our usual hangout, Las Carretas in Ampang. See, I'm so low maintenance nowadays...

Besides gaining 20 million kgs over the past couple of years, (yes to those bitches who hate me you can laugh your asses right about now), life has been sweet.

I'm slowly loving and adapting to this house. Can't blame me because after more than a decade staying in a tiny shoebox apartment I find it quite daunting to manage a double storey four-bedroom house... See, I'm so lembik too! The kids are also enjoying their space and land and proximity to the playground.

I hope the rest of the year turns out to be good for us all - friends, families, officemates, etc. Some friends even found love this year (ahem, ahem Rainmaker) and hopefully I get to eat nasi minyak di tepi sawah before the year is over. (Ni gaya penutup macam tak nak update blog until December je ni)

I shall try to update more often. I kinda miss maintaining my blog like I used to.

p/s: I missed out one of the reasons of me putting up this post.. sebab takut kena belasah ngan Bro Rina, I think she's miffed that balik2 bukak blog ni citer pasal Valentine's Day...