the true meaning of merdeka

Maybe it has become a trend. Every Merdeka, I am emancipated.

Last year's Merdeka, I got merdeka-ed alright. The big D took place on September 1st. And this year's Merdeka, after working on the company's Merdeka Ad (which I love!!!), I resigned. My last day will be on September 2nd.

Yes, I stayed on for only two months in this company. I think I've come to that age where I don't tolerate sh*t that I don't like anymore. When I'm younger I can take a lot of all that, but at this age, my happiness is more valuable than anything else. And now, at this moment, I finally understood the meaning of "Money isn't everything."

Don't ever do this at the dinner table...

Berry yang sangat jahanam. Do not ever agree if your boss gives you one of these...

The main reason why I quit my job was because I felt like I've sold my soul to the company. I was thinking about work 24/7, even when I'm not working. Even in my sleep. And as soon as I wake up in the morning the first thing I reached out for was my Berry. The Diver bore the brunt of this, our relationship was a bit strained... I get edgy most of the times and he became my punching bag. I couldn't risk ruining this relationship, so I decided it's time to call it quits. And as my boss always says "Rezeki ada di mana-mana". He says it with such conviction that it actually did motivate me to quit :p So any of you bosses out there, never say that to your staff unless you want them to leave la...

Our cool crib...

And this year, this Merdeka, we moved in our Nong Chik Retro Rumah, JB. We've officially moved, without the kids first. So there'll be a bit of shuttling in between JB and KL until maybe after Raya. I thank The Diver for picking such a perfect house for us. The house is soooo Mr and Mrs Seademon - quirky, old school, cool and besar.. Hahah....

What a difference a year makes.

leaving for tioman!

After a month and a half of slaving and Berrying and Singapore/JB/KL meetings and going back and forth with the creative agency over a full stop and a comma, The Diver will be taking me to Tioman tonight.

This morning, in the car he was hypertensive (he had a bite of the Lamb last night) and I was just a plain bitch. But yes, it did annoy me when he started off the "Do you know..." series of questions.

"Do you know where the word 'carnival' come from?"

I get this quite often. And I really don't mind it you know. The Diver is such a smart guy, he's my very own private walking encyclopedia, dictionary, thesaurus, dipstick-survey volunteer, etc. I appreciate him for that. Very much. But this morning I kind of got a bit bitchy la about it. Well sometimes it's just demoralizing to be reminded that I don't know that much. Dahla kat office aku disurround oleh orang-orang yang semua nak menunjuk keterreran masing-masing.

"The word carnival came from the word 'carnivore'... You know, meat..."

Oh cool, I thought. I never knew that. That's so cool (in all honesty, ok). Then came another one...

"Do you know where the word 'launch' come from?"

Hmm. Letih. Too much general knowledge, too early in the morning. So I snapped. Tak yah la cerita how I snapped, but I snapped.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, I just want to make this public apology to The Diver for snapping at him this morning and spoiling this day and I really hope he'd be happy to drive me all the way to Mersing tonight. I'm SORRY. I do say sorry when I'm wrong, and am not ashamed to do it. Because God knows I can't stand being ignored in the car...

So before I go, I just wanna show you guys how much we've GROWN...

3 MONTHS BACK


I thought we still looked OK. Slightly overweight but still OK. And of course the two baduts at the back tu... so comel.

NOW


Bloated kan dua-dua ekor ni? This one was taken at Nikko's Benkay. Heheh...

how to make kacang pool

The Rainmaker is oredy bored with my "nothing" posting so here's a little sumthin' sumthin' for him ....

How to make Kacang Pool Haji Demon (caution: will cause killer farts... according to the Demon himself)

I would have posted something with more substance but it's Sunday evening, a time where stress levels run high.

nothing

It sometimes is sad that the people who love you most are the ones who can't seem to understand you.

I've had people say this to me before - "Why do you take your work so seriously? Why can't you say no? Why did you not do this, why do you have to do that? Why didn't you tell them that?"

Let me explain my situation, I am only a month old in this organisation. I am a single mother. I need the job like fish needs water. My youngest is sickly and pneumonia-prone, so the medical benefits that come with this job is heaven sent.

And thanks to a dead-beat ex, I never had the chance to save mounds of cash over my working years that would catch my fall.

I need to be a yes-woman. At least for now. I have yet to make my mark, I have yet to prove my mettle.

And I just expect some form of understanding from my loved ones. If you can't give emotional support, just please, please understand.

I can't afford any form of emotional burnout. As it is I'm experiencing some of the symptoms already - I often feel that I'm an outsider observing my mental process.

I am alone. I am the breadwinner. In spite of my weak exterior, I've always survived. Please don't let me fall this time.

the day my grandma died

It was Sunday, 27th July 2008 - a little after 3 pm. And it was my younger brother and my auntie's birthday. I got a missed call from my mom - I was chopping onions for the spaghetti sauce when the phone rang and didn't pick it up. She then rang my brother who was sitting across the table.

I was working the celery when my brother came to me and said, "Mummy called. Maktok's gone."

And I went, "Oh. OK". The celery-chopping didn't stop. Now that's certainly not a Hollywood-movie response to the news of a death of a loved one. That's just me.

I'm the Queen of Delayed Telecast when it comes to emotions. Whenever I receive bad news, I will almost always have no reaction. And the worse the news is, the lesser reaction I will have. The day my grandfather died, I was fine as hell. At the funeral, I peeped when they were preparing the body for burial, that night I slept well. The next day I spent the whole day sobbing in my room.

Just as this incident, I actually finished making the potato salad and spaghetti before the trip back to BP. The Diver was nice enough to drive us back. In hindsight, it was a wise decision because I was really not in the state to drive at all.

Midway to Batu Pahat, I bawled my eyes out and told The Diver satu benda yang memalukan, "I slept with my grandma until I was twelve." There it was, my Delayed Emotional Telecast.

My grandma. She was a lot of things to me, a mother, a friend, a confidante, my masseuse (when she was stronger), the one who spoils me rotten. For someone her age, she's very very open-minded. I was afraid of breaking her heart when I got divorced. But instead she was the one who consoled me, "What's the use of you staying on with a man like that? You don't need to please everyone in life, you must always remember that," she said, while stroking my hair. I heaved many sighs of relief in her presence...

Her reaction was a stark contrast to my mom's.

I miss my grandma terribly. I didn't make it for the funeral. When I arrived, it was already over. I didn't get to see her for the last time, and bid that forever farewell. But I will remember the smile on her face when I visited her with The Diver late last month.

She knows how truly happy I am.

untitled (first entry with the Berry)

I'm sitting down here on this lazy chair at this Chinese reflexology and acupuncture place in Ampang. No, I'm no getting reflexed or needle-poked. I'm waiting for The Diver getting kneaded and elbowed by this young Ah Moi who sounds like she just got off the boat from the Mainland.

The Ah Moi is quite strong, The Diver let out some ouches just now. Kesian jugak aku tengok Ah Moi ni, badan mamat tu dahla agak *ehem* oversized. Gosh, I so don't wanna be in her shoes. 5 minutes of elbowing him I'm already sweating bullets, man.
Anyway, it's Friday and I'm bloody happy. Cepatla habis massage Mr Diver, I can't wait to put my feet up and just chill!

Alamak, acupuncture la pulak... Kena pakai industrial strength needles ni.

waiting to exhale

Deep breaths.

That's my mantra these days. This is only my second week here and my schedule can easily topple a GM's schedule at my former company. Back to back meetings, and lunch at my lovely little cubicle - most times it's the chicken rice. I'm addicted to that already.

As I type, I'm trying to take deep, long, breaths.....

I got this from meandmylife via email. My previous boss boleh la kot.. but my current boss... he's not jongos at all.. heheheeh.. Bos aku tak jongos kan, Deoughtred? My boss is the Energizer bunny multiplied by three.

Anyway, things are moving at a breakneck speed here. I don't know if I can cope with the rollercoaster of emotions, sometimes I'm on fire, other days I'm not. All I know is that by the time I get home, lying down in bed is just... heavenly. And yes, I do fall asleep in the middle of my conversations with The Diver. But anyway, these really made me laugh..

Deep breaths.

Back to work.

I hope these will make The Diver smile at least, because these days I don't have that effect on him anymore.