Is a relationship healthy when your partner does not divulge necessary information to the other?
I can hear a resounding NO in my head and it echoes through the lobes of my brains and rings out of my ears like the screams of a woman in labour.
I would not say my relationship with The Diver was based on lies. That is not entirely true. I know for a fact he loved me, and still loves me a lot. We crave each other's attention when we're apart, we stalk each other's Twitter accounts. The world shuts down when we are alone, together and we are set adrift on this ocean filled with memories, emotions, things we love and share. Sometimes, in the car, we silently sing the same melodies in our heads.
Us, being alone. Just us two. There is magic in us no one could every understand.
Yet there is a thorn in all that. A pesky, poking thorn that prods and jolts every now and then. A merciless thorn borne out of malicious intent.
So he chose not to disclose. To keep me happy, to keep us together, to keep the love alive.
At times he lies, and I let him. I could have asked him to prove things, but I know he couldn't. For instance I could have asked him: "Send me a picture of where you are." But what good would it do if he had lied? I hear the unsettled whispers of people out there... but dear readers please, do not judge me.
Is this transient? Will the lying stop when you weed out the thorn and throw it away forever? Will this be a fleeting moment? This is certainly not healthy, but does this work? WILL it work?
Only time will tell.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Monday, November 17, 2014
the month it crumbled
Most times, the worst happens when you least expect it. And by a horrific twist of fate, it happened to me in October.
The Diver had an affair. It wasn't a fling, but a full-fledged affair. Although it started only mid of August, it probably was a relationship that started afire. Suffice to say that in October we were apart, and he went on to discover this new person, new blood that he wanted to make part of his life.
Initially I blamed myself for letting this happen. Later on, I was smart enough not to do that. It was not my fault. She preyed, he strayed. And that was that.
I was broken. I lost 5kgs in a month, I started shedding hair like a dying cat and The Diver continued his unabashed coming-out with his new lover.
I also learned that for the other woman, this was not her first time wrecking people's marriages. She has done this way too many times. Maybe she thinks it's her birthright to screw people's husbands and put down their wives. She even lambasted me for being a housewife who married The Diver for financial security.
Well I prove her wrong. Two weeks after the incident blew up, I got myself a new job. She forgot that before being a housewife for two years, I have been working for the past 13 years of my life ever since I graduated. But what do you expect from a 27-year old, full of cockiness and misplaced confidence.
What made matters worse was, a person whom I regarded as a friend backstabbed me big time. During turbulent times when I engaged in a Twitter war with The Diver, she joined the bandwagon, only later to accuse me of orchestrating the war and being "the invisible hand". And when things went out control, pitted me against my friends to show them how evil I was. She even wanted to apologise to The Diver and told him that this was all my doing, and not her doing.
I want her to remember WHY she went on a Twitter war with the Diver. It had nothing to do with me, it was all because of her unhappiness with what supposedly The Diver said about her.
Quite honestly, I have bigger things to think about.
It's November now. I don't know how things will pan out. Whatever it is, this has got me back to writing again.
The Diver had an affair. It wasn't a fling, but a full-fledged affair. Although it started only mid of August, it probably was a relationship that started afire. Suffice to say that in October we were apart, and he went on to discover this new person, new blood that he wanted to make part of his life.
Initially I blamed myself for letting this happen. Later on, I was smart enough not to do that. It was not my fault. She preyed, he strayed. And that was that.
I was broken. I lost 5kgs in a month, I started shedding hair like a dying cat and The Diver continued his unabashed coming-out with his new lover.
I also learned that for the other woman, this was not her first time wrecking people's marriages. She has done this way too many times. Maybe she thinks it's her birthright to screw people's husbands and put down their wives. She even lambasted me for being a housewife who married The Diver for financial security.
Well I prove her wrong. Two weeks after the incident blew up, I got myself a new job. She forgot that before being a housewife for two years, I have been working for the past 13 years of my life ever since I graduated. But what do you expect from a 27-year old, full of cockiness and misplaced confidence.
What made matters worse was, a person whom I regarded as a friend backstabbed me big time. During turbulent times when I engaged in a Twitter war with The Diver, she joined the bandwagon, only later to accuse me of orchestrating the war and being "the invisible hand". And when things went out control, pitted me against my friends to show them how evil I was. She even wanted to apologise to The Diver and told him that this was all my doing, and not her doing.
I want her to remember WHY she went on a Twitter war with the Diver. It had nothing to do with me, it was all because of her unhappiness with what supposedly The Diver said about her.
Quite honestly, I have bigger things to think about.
It's November now. I don't know how things will pan out. Whatever it is, this has got me back to writing again.
Monday, September 9, 2013
yes, I'm back (with a tiny little opinion)
It's been more than a year, so this subject must be important enough for me to start blogging.
I have never been so sickened by such a biased movie review. And that's the reason why I am writing this post. Yes, the movie is Tanda Putera and the review is by a Malay Mail columnist, Erna Mahyuni.
I read the review first before watching the movie. In a way, the review inspired me to watch it because it depicted the movie as an RM5 million "schlock". I was intrigued. So I watched it at Summit USJ because Subang Parade MBO wasn't showing it *shame on you MBO* with the hubs and around 13 other people in the audience on a Monday night.
My verdict: bad casting, mediocre acting, pathetic cinematography (are all Shumi's films like this? Don't think I've watched any) and I failed to relate to any of the fictitious characters. But what Tanda Putera delivered, it delivered with a punch - the message that mob mentality can trigger a deadly domino effect and the noble sacrifices of leaders past.
And what it did not deserve was that scathing and flawed review by Erna Mahyuni. Even her opening statement of 13 May being UMNO's "favourite bogeyman" goes to show that she is biased from the very beginning. Bogeymen aren't real, they're conjured up momoks to scare your kids, but 13 May my dear Erna was very much a real incident and you were not there to experience it first hand.
And no, Tanda Putera is not all about May 13th, contrary to popular belief - it was mainly about the lives of both the late Tun Razak and Tun Dr Ismail. So yes Erna, we can't detail out who's who in the Communist party and its "contribution" to our history, you might want to get someone to make a movie and focus on totally that. The New Village perhaps?
She also wrote that the movie was one-sided and depicted the Chinese as "ungrateful" and "easily swayed by the evil Communists". Now this is ultimate bullshit. One scene shows how a Chinese farmer refused to disclose a very important information to the Communists which led to his own untimely demise. Were you snoring when this scene came out, Erna?
And by no means there were other scenes that show the Chinese as ungrateful, not even a dialogue equally cringeworthy to the headline of the year "Apa lagi Cina mau?". Shumi did make a feeble attempt at showing inter-racial friendship and how the May 13 issue affected it. So no, I did not feel that Tanda Putera vilify or demonise the Chinese, unless of course Erna could not differentiate between the Chinese and the Communists.
She also condescendingly wrote: "The biggest travesty about Shumi's script is that it paints two of our greatest statesmen as pompous idiots who do not trust their wives."
Now this is where she fails to understand the psyche of the Malay husband / leader at that time. No darling, that was not an era of metrosexuality. It is common for husbands, what more they who hold important position, to not talk to their wives about ANYTHING at all. And that does not mean that they do not trust them - that's just how the way husbands are at that time. And pompous? I suggest you all go watch the movie yourself and judge.
Like a big bully picking on a small fry, Erna's review was a disdainful attempt at creating a bogeyman out of Tanda Putera, a malicious piece that will cause non-Malays to not even consider watching the movie. I believe it was written will ill intention and in all honestly, between Tanda Putera and Erna's review, the latter is the one that can be deemed racially divisive. Watch the movie and you will see what I mean.
But of course, I am Malay and could not get anything through my thick skull.
I have never been so sickened by such a biased movie review. And that's the reason why I am writing this post. Yes, the movie is Tanda Putera and the review is by a Malay Mail columnist, Erna Mahyuni.
I read the review first before watching the movie. In a way, the review inspired me to watch it because it depicted the movie as an RM5 million "schlock". I was intrigued. So I watched it at Summit USJ because Subang Parade MBO wasn't showing it *shame on you MBO* with the hubs and around 13 other people in the audience on a Monday night.
My verdict: bad casting, mediocre acting, pathetic cinematography (are all Shumi's films like this? Don't think I've watched any) and I failed to relate to any of the fictitious characters. But what Tanda Putera delivered, it delivered with a punch - the message that mob mentality can trigger a deadly domino effect and the noble sacrifices of leaders past.
And what it did not deserve was that scathing and flawed review by Erna Mahyuni. Even her opening statement of 13 May being UMNO's "favourite bogeyman" goes to show that she is biased from the very beginning. Bogeymen aren't real, they're conjured up momoks to scare your kids, but 13 May my dear Erna was very much a real incident and you were not there to experience it first hand.
And no, Tanda Putera is not all about May 13th, contrary to popular belief - it was mainly about the lives of both the late Tun Razak and Tun Dr Ismail. So yes Erna, we can't detail out who's who in the Communist party and its "contribution" to our history, you might want to get someone to make a movie and focus on totally that. The New Village perhaps?
She also wrote that the movie was one-sided and depicted the Chinese as "ungrateful" and "easily swayed by the evil Communists". Now this is ultimate bullshit. One scene shows how a Chinese farmer refused to disclose a very important information to the Communists which led to his own untimely demise. Were you snoring when this scene came out, Erna?
And by no means there were other scenes that show the Chinese as ungrateful, not even a dialogue equally cringeworthy to the headline of the year "Apa lagi Cina mau?". Shumi did make a feeble attempt at showing inter-racial friendship and how the May 13 issue affected it. So no, I did not feel that Tanda Putera vilify or demonise the Chinese, unless of course Erna could not differentiate between the Chinese and the Communists.
She also condescendingly wrote: "The biggest travesty about Shumi's script is that it paints two of our greatest statesmen as pompous idiots who do not trust their wives."
Now this is where she fails to understand the psyche of the Malay husband / leader at that time. No darling, that was not an era of metrosexuality. It is common for husbands, what more they who hold important position, to not talk to their wives about ANYTHING at all. And that does not mean that they do not trust them - that's just how the way husbands are at that time. And pompous? I suggest you all go watch the movie yourself and judge.
Like a big bully picking on a small fry, Erna's review was a disdainful attempt at creating a bogeyman out of Tanda Putera, a malicious piece that will cause non-Malays to not even consider watching the movie. I believe it was written will ill intention and in all honestly, between Tanda Putera and Erna's review, the latter is the one that can be deemed racially divisive. Watch the movie and you will see what I mean.
But of course, I am Malay and could not get anything through my thick skull.
The
biggest travesty about Shuhaimi’s script is that it paints two of our
greatest statesmen as pompous idiots who do not trust their wives. - See
more at:
http://www.themalaymailonline.com/malaysia/article/a-review-of-tanda-putera-a-film-that-takes-liberties-with-the-truth#sthash.NVduEyW5.dpuf
The
biggest travesty about Shuhaimi’s script is that it paints two of our
greatest statesmen as pompous idiots who do not trust their wives. - See
more at:
http://www.themalaymailonline.com/malaysia/article/a-review-of-tanda-putera-a-film-that-takes-liberties-with-the-truth#sthash.NVduEyW5.dpuf
Sunday, July 29, 2012
mysterious ways
When I sit and stare and watch the world go by, I always think: God works in mysterious ways.
One day you're in love, and next day you lose that person, and five years down the road you know why God saved you from being with him. Both of you were just not meant to be. Looking back, if you're still with that person, your life would just be worse off in all aspects. Star-crossed lovers, as the story goes.
Then you fall in love with someone else, who you think will be able to love you unconditionally, only to find out later that you are absolutely wrong.
Disillusioned, played, blinded.
But then again, he has given you everything you needed - comfort, material things, company, security, someone there for you all the time, every time. He can give you the world, but never his whole heart.
So you live with it, you soldier on, these mysterious ways.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Here I am trying to post an entry on the second last day of my almost weeklong Bali getaway.
Thoroughly enjoyed it, although as hubs put it this was a "forced vacation" as it was supposed to be for a conference he had to attend, and then cancelled.
Glad we managed to do two dives, although only in Nusa Dua, and can't wait for another round of body massage tomorrow.
More pics in next entry when I get back to KL!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thoroughly enjoyed it, although as hubs put it this was a "forced vacation" as it was supposed to be for a conference he had to attend, and then cancelled.
Glad we managed to do two dives, although only in Nusa Dua, and can't wait for another round of body massage tomorrow.
More pics in next entry when I get back to KL!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:Island of the gods
Monday, June 25, 2012
holding on
I am quite sure that most of you have witnessed this incident.
A little stray cat comes up to a person in an eatery, and then the person shoos it away. Kitty comes back, meowing. Then the person gives a slight nudge to the kitty with his feet. Kitty loses its balance, and then comes back looking unperturbed. Irritated, the person gave it a stronger kick, screaming "Stupid cat!" at the kitty. It walks away for a while, and comes back again.
To persevere, to hold on, to face the pain in the name of love - does it constitute weakness?
Sometimes it doesn't, because one day that Kitty will be big enough to bite back.
A little stray cat comes up to a person in an eatery, and then the person shoos it away. Kitty comes back, meowing. Then the person gives a slight nudge to the kitty with his feet. Kitty loses its balance, and then comes back looking unperturbed. Irritated, the person gave it a stronger kick, screaming "Stupid cat!" at the kitty. It walks away for a while, and comes back again.
To persevere, to hold on, to face the pain in the name of love - does it constitute weakness?
Sometimes it doesn't, because one day that Kitty will be big enough to bite back.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
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