i am woman

I cannot thank God enough for making me a woman.

And no, it's not only because women have more variety of clothes to choose from as compared to men.

I love being a woman because I can look at another woman, and drool and admire her beauty - and not have any sexual inclinations towards her. See men can never understand this... generally, they will not say that another man is "handsome" or "good-looking". They will as much as possible refrain from making comments on another guy's physique. Which is weird.

I just realized this during my trip to Jakarta a few years back. You know how the girls at Plaza Senayan are just... so fashionable and completely made up - with Kim Kardashian hair and legs that go on until forever? I had a ball chick-watching. Actually we were in Jakarta for a water exhibition, and the models that they used for the show was just amazing. Not only were they drop dead gorgeous, they're beauty with brains. They're far away from being bimbos okay... They can really sell their products!

Another instance was when I wanted to buy the Pixy Compact Powder at Pasar Baru in Bandung. That was the first time I wanted to try buying Pixy because some people said that it is a good product. So there I was, asking this lovely Bandung lass about Pixy. And she recommended me another brand which is better, according to her, called La Tulipe. Once she spoke, I was hooked. It's just the way she flutters her eyelids, and the appropriateness of her speech, and use of language. And yes, she was pretty - porcelain complexion and beautiful features.

I mean, can you imagine if you want to buy something at Chow Kit, you will get a Minah Rempit saying, "Akak.. akak cuba arr yang ni.. bagus arr.. " Such a turn off!!!

So in the end, I bought a compact powder, a refill, some collagen face spray and some capsules of cucumber extract. Oh, I even bought a lipstick the same colour she was wearing. Cuz she looked so hot in it.

OK, some of you might think that I have lesbian tendencies for writing all that. But let me make a point here, with Karina Lombard' hot-ass picture right here:



Do I want to get in her pants? Hell no. But do I find her delicious? Hell, yeah. I'd rather gawk at her than probably Tom Cruise (sorry but I don't find him attractive at all). :P

* The Diver, please wipe off that dirty little thought!!!

wayang

Who doesn't like going to the movies? There's always something nostalgic about the big screen.

My first ever visit to the cinema was for Grease - way back in the late 70's, in a quaint little hamlet called Batu Pahat. I can vaguely remember the storyline, but all I know was after watching Grease, I'd make my aunt tie my hair up a la Olivia Newton John everytime I go for music class.

I also recalled my first and only trip to the movies with my dad for Robocop. How the heck that happened I can't even recall.

In the States, I had a ball going to all those mega cineplexes and succumbed to the Malaysian student modus operandi of tengok wayang back-to-back. Meaning you pay for only one movie, and then slip in the other cinema to watch the next one once your movie ends. My record was 5 movies in a row. I watched way too many movies back then.

Watching movies in Malaysia is no fun. There will always be a bunch of loudmouths, rowdy teens, horny couples and ringing handphones. I've developed my own set of house rules when going to the movies:

1. Front half of the cinema please. To avoid distractions, I only seat myself around the F - H rows. No back rows, absolute no no. Biar aku mendongak ke langit, jangan suruh aku duduk belakang.

2. No watching movies on weekends, except when really, really unavoidable. Ie, when we have to take the kids with us. I have in fact, taken annual leave just to catch a movie on a weekday.

3. My pet peeve is going to the movies with someone who laughs too loud. Especially when everyone else is silent. Once a long time ago, I went out on a date with a guy who had a habit of doing that. And I don't mean the HAHAHAH laugh OK, this one was the guttural guffaw that makes me cringe to the bone... Uwek. Terus aku dump dia.

Tu je la, takde la teruk sangat. But all in all, if I ever migrate to the States, one of the reasons would be because I miss going to the movies there. Recently, we went for Star Trek and a group of tudunged teens barely 17 were seated in front of us. As soon as Spock came out, one of them shrieked, "Eh eh.. telinga dia TAJAMMM~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!"

See what I mean.

penipu

This might come as a surprise to you but I used to go out with a married man.

It was a very dark chapter in my life and I am honestly not proud of it. In the 7 years I was married to an abusive, angry, lazy man, I never once cheated on him. I never once looked at a guy and even THOUGHT of having an affair. Even when I was so unloved and so neglected. Never once.

But at the end of my marriage, I went out with a married man and my reputation was tarnished forever (more on my reputation in another post). It happened right before my divorce. Let's just call him Lip Service. See, because I have been stupidly loyal throughout my marriage, the decision for me to go out with Lip Service was made after he actually said he loved me, because I don't simply GO OUT with people. A promise of marriage was made, and then I finally decided that yes, I shall bear the brunt of being The Other Woman, I shall sacrifice and wait for Lip Service to find the "right time" (and I will always tell him that there will never be a RIGHT time) to tell his wife of our relationship and hopefully she will understand and they will get a divorce and we will get married and live happily ever after.

I was not naive. I went into the relationship knowing that it's a 50-50 sing-or-float thing (ek eleh, sink-or-float lah... sorry for the typo). After over a year of clandestine meetings, SMSes, lunches, dinners, tete-a-tete's, I could smell that he was a bit too slow for my own good.

His "I love you's" were uttered too many times, but just not enough. I was heavily involved with him, I helped him conceptualize his business, which was supposed to be an 'avenue' for us to get married (I didn't see the logic behind it at all, but he did) and I was getting way too deep.

Now after 7 years of shit, I was able to rationalize things better. I decided to pull out from the relationship. There were no formal break-ups, no teary farewells - I just faded away. And at that point, he knew that whatever words that came-up from his mouth meant jack shit to me. He knew. Despite his reassurances, I decided to walk away.

The funny thing is, when I was going through all that, The Diver was always there for me emotionally, as a friend. We both sometimes talk to each other about our relationships, and how they're going to end. We laughed, we joked, we bitched. And I'm glad we did all that, because now we completely understand and most importantly value each other so much. *I LOVE YOU DADDYKINS* (iklan jap).

That was why I got a bit pissed when I found out recently that Lip Service's wife thought that him and I were only a fling. It was nothing serious, just a stupid affair that Lip Service dabbled in, probably a mid-life crisis thing. I was pissed, but not surprised, really. In spite of all those talks about marriage, about expanding the business, about spending the rest of our lives together and also he admitted to CONFESSING to his wife of his love for ME, in the end they were all lies. So now I have only one thing to say to him... UP YOURS!

the perils of love

It's pathetic how sparse my updates have been in 2009. Honestly, I put the blame entirely on Facebook because that's a dangerous addiction that I've completely succumbed to. Tak cukup dengan Facebooking, updating status, commenting on people's status and photos - I'm also hooked on Pet Society and Restaurant City. And ini semua salah si Aiz (hahahah!!!).

Anyway, The Diver was away last week in Sipadan and yesterday, after a day arriving from Tawau he was off to Lumut for work. I have this thing when The Diver is away, I will become emotional, and hypersensitive tak tentu arah. And then I start seeking solace on comfort foods, or anything that is within my reach, in this case today on Kartika Sari's Brownies and Pisang Molen that I brought back from Bandung.

Well anyway, that's not my point.

My point is, there is a confession that I have to make.

The Diver and I have been together for more than a year. And usually after a year, relationships start to you know, slow down a bit, and you would want your own "space" (whatever that means). But this time around, it's not like that. And we see each other almost every day, the most we've been away was just for his Sipadan trip, ie, 5 friggin' days.

It hurts to be away from him, and it hurts more even after our more than a year relationship. It seems that I am more dependent on him now than I ever was. I need him more than ever, and can't seem to do without him. I'm becoming Miss Dependent and I love it. I feel all good and flowery and bubbly and too jiwang maybe for my own friends to take. And that scares the heck out of me.

Am I anal? Am I just psycho for feeling this way? Am I just scared of feeling good, feeling loved just because I was so used to a crappy marriage and shitty relationships before?

Let's just leave those unanswered, for now.

with you, i can never ask for more...

This is a thank you note that is long overdue.

These people helped made our nikah ceremony much more meaningful and special. At first The Diver and I wanted an intimate, family and very very close friends nikah, followed by a simple brunch at the Clubhouse. No frills. But with the help of these people it turned out to be still an intimate affair but much nicer than I'd ever thought it would be. And everyone had fun too!

Firstly, I wanna thank my sister, Zaza, for coming home all the way from Japan, with her husband Kazu. I'm so glad that we waited for you to have this wedding, cuz it would've been the wrong thing to do without having you guys around! Zaza and Azrin, my cousin, took so many lovely shots for us that day! (And they work for food too, so we didn't have to pay them!)

Our family of camwhores... Yes people, this was in the mosque...kehkehkeh....

My aunt, cousins and again Kazu and Zaza transformed the Clubhouse into something quite magical. We had garlands of jasmine strewn all over the banister, and we had sundal malam (Komar cakap tuberose) as posies on the tables. The whole place was engulfed in such a heavenly scent!

Props to mah man Dalina, the head florist. Muahahahah.. Buat bunga sambil hisap rokok... who can top that? She got so stressed probably that she wanted to eat all the sundal malams in the pic above.

Zaza and Kazu did this lovely mehndi for my hands. It was a nightmare, they did it at 4 am and it turned out BRILLIANT!I'm also extremely happy that my makeup artist could make it even at the very last minute! Sorry Kak Monnie, my bad! She is so talented and she's also my senior from school. Yes, my Srikandi buddies are good enough for the A-Z's of ANY wedding, I tell ya! Thank you Kak Monnie for hiding my panda eyes and making this 34-year-old bride not look THAT bad.

Having something to eat before the nikah. The girls really calmed me down.. hehehe... Although I was a bit hesitant wearing that little tiara. Tu lah, lain kali jangan kutuk Siti Nurhaliza lebih-lebih.My heart goes out to my Dad (in yellow shirt), for having faith in us. And for agreeing to have the nikah on that day in spite of the crazy busy week that he was having.

Some of my cousins who were at the wedding - thank you for making everything more FUN!! They can laugh all night and day macam orang gila...

To my two naughty ones, Yunus and Medina (Ali not in picture sebab dia kurang naughty) thank you for behaving yourselves at the mosque.

Ida and Ita were gracious enough to be the sponsor of cupcakes that day! Thank you lunch buddies!To our Brady Bunch family, and my new 4 stepchildren - although I only get to be your stepmom on Sundays thank you for accepting me as a part of your lives.

And these people, are my friends till the end. They've been with us through our ups and downs. Amazingly, we don't get tired of seeing their faces at least once a week! And the wedding after-party at Las Carretas kicked assssss!!!!! I love you guys.

And finally, to The Diver - I love the way we always laugh together and also at each other! Thank you for sticking by me in tough times and thank you for knowing me, inside out like the back of your hand. Your understanding is just.... matchless!

My sincerest thanks to all of you for making our big day so special. It was definitely my idea of the perfect wedding - small, simple, fun and I was definitely all smiles!

after 10 minutes, still no title. so what the heck...

The signs. God has shown signs that I should update my blog.

Last year, I did weekly updates, but this year I'm guilty of monthly ones. And my writing - I don't know, it seems that I have lost my mojo. Today, I can't write as well as I could maybe two, three years back, I can't think of anything acerbic when I need to people-bash, I turned to stuffing my face with food rather than write when I'm pissed off with someone... you get the drift. Orang kata, bukan aku, tapi orang... people produce their best works when they're sad, or depressed, or angry... So maybe I should be depressed again? Ish... pegang kayu...sentuh kayu...

Anyway, back to the signs. Gilabaa punya digress kat atas tu...

Something happened yesterday and today that made me realize, maybe those are signs that I should update my lame-ass blog.

Yesterday, after our Sakae Sushi dinner The Diver and I were greeted by this smiley-faced Adik. At first I thought, this must be The Diver's diving anak buah or something, and The Diver thought, hmm.. this must be budak junior STF who knew me...Then suddenly she went, "You guys don't know me but I read your blogs!!!"

Azlin the Adik who reads our blog, The Diver and I...

I didn't know what to feel. Embarrased, mainly because I haven't been updating at all. Embarassed for also not being able to write as coherently or as interestingly as I used to. But of course, I was flattered too! And honoured, for a stranger to come up to you and congratulate you for finally finding true love. And today she e-mailed The Diver, and I'm putting up this one line which made me go AWWWWWWWWW!!!!! , I hope you don't mind Adik...

"If there are people who have given up on hope,love,happiness; I told them how you guys met and what both of you went through."

Cerita belum habis lagi kak.

So an hour ago, I checked my Yahoo mail, since FizRi said he emailed the STF dinner picture to that email address. And guess what I found (besides FizRi's e-mail la)... jeng jeng jeng....

An email entitled, "The Day It's About Time", addressed to me. Cuba teka siapa punya blog posting yang titlenya selalu bermula dengan "The Day".. And she said she "sebak" when she read one of my older posts, and that in turn made me "sebak" HUHUHUH UHUUUUUU....WTF la, must be an STF thing this crying over god-knows-what, but I like being able to be sebak and menyebakkan ... And that's not all she said. I don't think I want to disclose it here but suffice to say, I didn't think she would find my blog enjoyable at all cuz hers is like the Manolo of all blogs.

But anyway, those are the signs my friends. And update, I shall (try).

And I will also try to refute the fact that people can only write their best when they're at their worst.

And before I end, let me indulge you with a group photo (taken by FizRi) of some ladies from our batch from STF, at last week's Glitterati a la Femme Dinner (nama yang sangat takde maknanya... tapi takpe)

me no spik englis

With two events coming up in less than a week, and a pre-planned weekend in Tioman coming up, I barely have time to breathe at the office. But I HAVE to write this because I'm soooooo sick of getting resumes/calls for interships from Mass Comm students who speak worse English than my 7 year old.

Every day, I'm just so appalled at the deteriorating command of English that of our Malay grads. It's amazingly appalling. And I don't know how or why this has become so bad.

I mean, if you say that these grads come from a "kampung" background, I really beg to differ. I come from a not-so-kampung kampung but my primary school friends came from very diverse backgrounds, some even from the lower income group. And we can speak English well because our English teacher, Mrs Tan made us SPEAK English in English classes. So yes, I believe teachers do play an important role in this. Also, our English teacher speaks impeccable English, with proper grammar... unlike English teachers nowadays.

And I hate it when Malays have this stupid notion that when you speak English it makes you less Malay. Bukak la mata sikit... if you work in a multinational company, how are you suppose to climb the corporate ladder when all you can say is "Watper beb? Katner beb?".

And nak kata these grads are SOOOOO excellent in Malay pun tak jugak. When they speak in Malay, they sound like minah / mat rempits. And to make it worse, they won't event ATTEMPT to speak English. I've dealt with so many Chinese suppliers/business partners or whatever, and their English is berterabur as well, but they will just bulldoze and speak as long as the other party can understand what they're saying, they're fine.

I've lost my point in writing this because I've digressed too much. I've just had it with our local Malay grads... the main reason why I'm writing this post is to share with you a snippet of a resume that was sent to me by a UPM Communications student who's majoring in Corporate Communications, in her third year. She's applying for an intership post in my department:

"DIRI SAYA
Saya adalah seorang yang rajin dan bermotivasi dalam mencapai matlamat yang saya inginkan. Saya juga seorang yang mudah dibawa berbincang dan mempunyai kemahiran berinteraksi dengan pelbagai pihak. Ini bersesuaian dengan pengkhususan saya di dalam bidang Komunikasi Korporat. Untuk mencapai kejayaan kita perlu mempunyai pegangan dan ayat ini adalah pendorong saya selama ini “ do or do not, no try-try”."

OUCH.