*warning: adult content*

When I was a little girl, I thought:

"The harder you study, the richer you'll become when you're an adult."

Boy, was I wrong. You and I know that your SPM results mean jackshit in real life. And that if you got bad grades in school does not make you a loser in life.

So what is the importance of education? To me, it allows a person to think, and make informed decisions. To know the difference of what is wrong and what is right. This does not mean that educated people will always make the right decision, it's just that at least they can differentiate which one is right or wrong, and why they come up with their decisions. You know, like making informed decisions instead of according to their whims and fancies. Contohnya, beli kereta yang lebih mahal dari neighbours, just to show off wealth. Not because they like the car, but saja nak menunjuk.

I'm not imposing any moral judgement here, and to me education is not only about school-education but opening up your eyes to the environment around you, prying open your minds to evaluate aspects in life. Holding a PhD does not make you "educated" per se.

Okay, to better illustrate the difference between the educated and the not-so, let's just compare .. say.. menjual pookey. Now menjual pookey is morally wrong but both the educated and non-educated do it.

Here's an example of a stupid woman's modus operandi semasa nak menjual pookey. She is SO STUPID, she doesn't even know the difference between KFC and McDonald's ok.

OK now, the non-educated bitch will marry the son of a prominent Tun expecting the guy to be as rich as his friggin' dad. In a rush to get the Tun's son, she lied to him saying that the four bastards that she kept referring to as anak2 angkat, were actually her own flesh and blood. Dia tak tau yang Tun tu bukannya la bongok sangat tak boleh buat background check on her.

Little does she know that Tun's son is a free-spirited idealist, whose wardrobe are as cheap as any Tom, Dick and Harry's. The Tun's son was brought up in a nepotism-free environment and does not want to leverage on his dad's name. The Tun's son is his own man, and ready to prove that he can make it on his own.

Eventually, she realized that marrying the Tun's son wouldn't make her an heiress or a millionairess. So the non-educated bitch grumbled and stomped her feet and demanded to the Tun's son that her Kenari be switched to a Perdana V6 (ala-ala gomen) because to her, that car epitomizes success, granted that she only socializes in dangdut taverns and is a member of Puteri Umno.

The Tun's son, a romantic at heart, thought that a Perdana V6 would be the the solution to his marriage woes. Meanwhile, the brainless bitch went around dropping the Tun's name to gain her position in Puteri Umno. And in a twisted twist of fate, managed to fool a group of bleached blonds into voting her as Ketua Puteri Umno of Melayang-Layang. Now this was her ticket to making money - becoming a "project broker". Don't ask me how this works but in a nutshell, she gets projects for people, and gets a commision for that. How did she managed to do this? Well, at this point she sells her pookey to other people la, behind the Tun's son's back.

It worked. For a while.

The Tun's son later found out, and eventually they divorced. Now brainless bitch did not care because by this time, she was rolling in the dough selling pookey for projects. Until PRU 12 came, and the Opposition took over the State where Melayang-Layang is located in. And her pookey-selling stories have spread all over like bushfire, and somehow she lost her seat in Puteri Umno.

God knows where she's selling her pookey now.

Now what would a smart woman do in a situation like above?

She would have married the Tun, and waited for him to pass on. Senang, no?

reality check...1..2..

After we got back from dinner just now, and after settling a few house chores, The Diver went to the loo to do his business. From the room, I said to him, "Sayang, I think I need new work pants."

And he replied with a, "What?"

"I THINK I NEED NEW WORK PANTS, BLACK ONES."

Pause. Then he quipped, "Do you think you need anything else?"

Ah, how sweet of him, I thought... thinking probably that he wanted to get me a suit,

or a new pair of Crocs Cabana or Hanalei...

or that other shade of Bobbi Brown Pot Rouge that I wanted...

or maybe he finally remembered that I wanted to do something with my overly long hair (at least overly long according to me)

So I asked him, "Like what?"

"Like maybe you NEED to lose weight!"

OK now, The Diver is beginning to sound like a real husband :P

DNAS made my day..

While recovering from a bad food poisoning bout, I received a message from a friend who went to the same high school as I did, telling me that she's given me an AWARD (check out my sidebar heh). DNAS updates her blog more than I do, and she write more substantial stuff ... so I feel kinda malu lah *blush* . And I was flattered when she described me as:

Jazzmatazz: A Srikandi and we used to be in the same English class for a few years (or was it 5 years?) She and a few others set the bar for our English especially when we had Mrs. Soon as English teacher. She looks soft and at times rather fragile, but the truth is she’s a very strong woman (emotionally) and a fighter. Go and dig her older blog entries for proof.

Thank you DNAS, for the wonderful praises.

The rules:
o Write five (5) interesting facts about the person who gave you this award.
o Jot down ten (10) interesting facts about yourself or your hobbies.
o Pick your ten (10 or less) most deserving recipients and describe them.
o Leave a comment on the recipients' blog to tell them they've been tagged.
o Paste the award badge in your sidebar.
o Have fun!

Section 1: 5 Interesting Things About Makcik DNAS

1. She's a fantastic writer, despite being such an IT nerd! Hahah... I always kutuk all the IT nerds on how these people can't write. But boy, she prove me wrong big time!
   
2. She's very opinionated, and I wish I am brave enough to be as opinionated as her sometimes.
   
3. I remember her to be very talented in school - selalu macam active2 la in all sorts of stuff. Sorry la DNAS, aku ni dah memory loss (not as bad as Rina Rahayu but getting there...). But I do remember her as being involved in a lot of extra co-curricular activities.
4. I agree with her that she is a reluctant leader. For example somehow kalau bab2 Srikandi activities the name "Dayang" just comes to mind..Hehehe.. sorry beb...And in school, she's always Head of something.
   
5. In school, I like her because she's not the baik2 type nor is she the jahat2 type (like me). I mean, you know she'll never rat on you if she sees you breaking school rules. I think. And she's just supercool!

Section 2: 10 Interesting Facts About Me

1. I started this blog hoping that it would become an outlet for me to vent out things. Things that I couldn't tell anyone at that time. Initially hoped for it to be an Anonymous blog but I thought what the f&ck... (ok, this is not an interesting fact about me, but mampusla)
   
2. Then, I wrote out of spite. Until I met The Diver. I still write out of spite, sometimes. Does that make me a spiteful person? I don't think so, because I'm never spiteful in real life :P
3. I suffer from delayed emotional reaction sometimes. For instance if someone close to me dies, I don't cry upon hearing the news, but will cry many, many hours after or even the day after..weird.
4. I find cooking therapeutic. But I find cleaning up stressful. So I only like to cook when my bibik is around.
5. I'm not a registered voter, and my dad is an active politician. I really do not know why I'm not one.
6. I grew up in a family that believes in UMNO and the good that is stands for. My aunts, uncles, grandparents have selflessly contributed a lot to the party. And if they did it just to get "projects" they would have been millionaires by now. In the past decade however, I was exposed to the truth. And it's not pretty and it's not the UMNO that I knew when I was a kid growing up in Batu Pahat. Hey, maybe that's why I'm not a registered voter!
7. I still am amazed at how I first "met" The Diver. It makes me smile everytime I think about it.
8. I am a walking irony - you'll understand this if you know me in real life.
   
9. My kids make me melt all the time. I will always say yes to everything they want, but thank god for The Diver who keeps a check and balance :)
10. I'm a big eater. Not like portion big, but more like I can nibble on anything all day... and if someone asks me out for Makan I would most likely say yes. And I have ridiculous cravings all the time, not only when I'm pregnant ok. And my current craving now is : NASI GANJA! (Tak sedar diri kau tu recovering from food poisoning.. cheh..)
    

Section 3: And The Award goes out to...

1. The Diver - aka John F Seademon, aka The Demon, aka my beloved hubby. Fresh out of my divorce, I bumped into his blog, and it was the first time that I actually CRIED reading some guy's blog. Cheh. He's an excellent writer, funny and witty and ridiculously smart. I envy him. And he has a memory of an elephant.
   
2. Chics in Red - I crack up when I read her blog. And I'm proud to say that she's a SRIKANDI, y'all!!!! She's so honest and funny and that's what blogs should be like.
3. Bleepit - I don't know her personally but she's the Queen of Crazy! And a fellow Johorean too, Johor rawkss!!!! I love it that she's so foul-mouthed, but not offensive :) Whatever that means...
   
4. Mat Gebu - I seriously am addicted to this site. The Diver and I always talk about him, and imagining how his life is - what a good life he has with good food and he has a knack for taking saliva-inducing pictures as well.
5. Joe Perantau - aka Joe Bangla heheeh... He's a Malaysian living and working in the States. And if he doesn't crack you up, there must be something wrong with you. I don't know this guy personally but his stories are such an inspiration those yang MALAS KERJA. This guy really slogs, okay.. hats off!
6. A Camera, Three Cats and A Husband - is my sister's blog! Know what, she doesn't have to write longggggg to amuse me. I mean, this is a perfect example how less is more and how a marvellous picture can speak a thousand words.
   

i am woman

I cannot thank God enough for making me a woman.

And no, it's not only because women have more variety of clothes to choose from as compared to men.

I love being a woman because I can look at another woman, and drool and admire her beauty - and not have any sexual inclinations towards her. See men can never understand this... generally, they will not say that another man is "handsome" or "good-looking". They will as much as possible refrain from making comments on another guy's physique. Which is weird.

I just realized this during my trip to Jakarta a few years back. You know how the girls at Plaza Senayan are just... so fashionable and completely made up - with Kim Kardashian hair and legs that go on until forever? I had a ball chick-watching. Actually we were in Jakarta for a water exhibition, and the models that they used for the show was just amazing. Not only were they drop dead gorgeous, they're beauty with brains. They're far away from being bimbos okay... They can really sell their products!

Another instance was when I wanted to buy the Pixy Compact Powder at Pasar Baru in Bandung. That was the first time I wanted to try buying Pixy because some people said that it is a good product. So there I was, asking this lovely Bandung lass about Pixy. And she recommended me another brand which is better, according to her, called La Tulipe. Once she spoke, I was hooked. It's just the way she flutters her eyelids, and the appropriateness of her speech, and use of language. And yes, she was pretty - porcelain complexion and beautiful features.

I mean, can you imagine if you want to buy something at Chow Kit, you will get a Minah Rempit saying, "Akak.. akak cuba arr yang ni.. bagus arr.. " Such a turn off!!!

So in the end, I bought a compact powder, a refill, some collagen face spray and some capsules of cucumber extract. Oh, I even bought a lipstick the same colour she was wearing. Cuz she looked so hot in it.

OK, some of you might think that I have lesbian tendencies for writing all that. But let me make a point here, with Karina Lombard' hot-ass picture right here:



Do I want to get in her pants? Hell no. But do I find her delicious? Hell, yeah. I'd rather gawk at her than probably Tom Cruise (sorry but I don't find him attractive at all). :P

* The Diver, please wipe off that dirty little thought!!!

wayang

Who doesn't like going to the movies? There's always something nostalgic about the big screen.

My first ever visit to the cinema was for Grease - way back in the late 70's, in a quaint little hamlet called Batu Pahat. I can vaguely remember the storyline, but all I know was after watching Grease, I'd make my aunt tie my hair up a la Olivia Newton John everytime I go for music class.

I also recalled my first and only trip to the movies with my dad for Robocop. How the heck that happened I can't even recall.

In the States, I had a ball going to all those mega cineplexes and succumbed to the Malaysian student modus operandi of tengok wayang back-to-back. Meaning you pay for only one movie, and then slip in the other cinema to watch the next one once your movie ends. My record was 5 movies in a row. I watched way too many movies back then.

Watching movies in Malaysia is no fun. There will always be a bunch of loudmouths, rowdy teens, horny couples and ringing handphones. I've developed my own set of house rules when going to the movies:

1. Front half of the cinema please. To avoid distractions, I only seat myself around the F - H rows. No back rows, absolute no no. Biar aku mendongak ke langit, jangan suruh aku duduk belakang.

2. No watching movies on weekends, except when really, really unavoidable. Ie, when we have to take the kids with us. I have in fact, taken annual leave just to catch a movie on a weekday.

3. My pet peeve is going to the movies with someone who laughs too loud. Especially when everyone else is silent. Once a long time ago, I went out on a date with a guy who had a habit of doing that. And I don't mean the HAHAHAH laugh OK, this one was the guttural guffaw that makes me cringe to the bone... Uwek. Terus aku dump dia.

Tu je la, takde la teruk sangat. But all in all, if I ever migrate to the States, one of the reasons would be because I miss going to the movies there. Recently, we went for Star Trek and a group of tudunged teens barely 17 were seated in front of us. As soon as Spock came out, one of them shrieked, "Eh eh.. telinga dia TAJAMMM~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!"

See what I mean.

penipu

This might come as a surprise to you but I used to go out with a married man.

It was a very dark chapter in my life and I am honestly not proud of it. In the 7 years I was married to an abusive, angry, lazy man, I never once cheated on him. I never once looked at a guy and even THOUGHT of having an affair. Even when I was so unloved and so neglected. Never once.

But at the end of my marriage, I went out with a married man and my reputation was tarnished forever (more on my reputation in another post). It happened right before my divorce. Let's just call him Lip Service. See, because I have been stupidly loyal throughout my marriage, the decision for me to go out with Lip Service was made after he actually said he loved me, because I don't simply GO OUT with people. A promise of marriage was made, and then I finally decided that yes, I shall bear the brunt of being The Other Woman, I shall sacrifice and wait for Lip Service to find the "right time" (and I will always tell him that there will never be a RIGHT time) to tell his wife of our relationship and hopefully she will understand and they will get a divorce and we will get married and live happily ever after.

I was not naive. I went into the relationship knowing that it's a 50-50 sing-or-float thing (ek eleh, sink-or-float lah... sorry for the typo). After over a year of clandestine meetings, SMSes, lunches, dinners, tete-a-tete's, I could smell that he was a bit too slow for my own good.

His "I love you's" were uttered too many times, but just not enough. I was heavily involved with him, I helped him conceptualize his business, which was supposed to be an 'avenue' for us to get married (I didn't see the logic behind it at all, but he did) and I was getting way too deep.

Now after 7 years of shit, I was able to rationalize things better. I decided to pull out from the relationship. There were no formal break-ups, no teary farewells - I just faded away. And at that point, he knew that whatever words that came-up from his mouth meant jack shit to me. He knew. Despite his reassurances, I decided to walk away.

The funny thing is, when I was going through all that, The Diver was always there for me emotionally, as a friend. We both sometimes talk to each other about our relationships, and how they're going to end. We laughed, we joked, we bitched. And I'm glad we did all that, because now we completely understand and most importantly value each other so much. *I LOVE YOU DADDYKINS* (iklan jap).

That was why I got a bit pissed when I found out recently that Lip Service's wife thought that him and I were only a fling. It was nothing serious, just a stupid affair that Lip Service dabbled in, probably a mid-life crisis thing. I was pissed, but not surprised, really. In spite of all those talks about marriage, about expanding the business, about spending the rest of our lives together and also he admitted to CONFESSING to his wife of his love for ME, in the end they were all lies. So now I have only one thing to say to him... UP YOURS!

the perils of love

It's pathetic how sparse my updates have been in 2009. Honestly, I put the blame entirely on Facebook because that's a dangerous addiction that I've completely succumbed to. Tak cukup dengan Facebooking, updating status, commenting on people's status and photos - I'm also hooked on Pet Society and Restaurant City. And ini semua salah si Aiz (hahahah!!!).

Anyway, The Diver was away last week in Sipadan and yesterday, after a day arriving from Tawau he was off to Lumut for work. I have this thing when The Diver is away, I will become emotional, and hypersensitive tak tentu arah. And then I start seeking solace on comfort foods, or anything that is within my reach, in this case today on Kartika Sari's Brownies and Pisang Molen that I brought back from Bandung.

Well anyway, that's not my point.

My point is, there is a confession that I have to make.

The Diver and I have been together for more than a year. And usually after a year, relationships start to you know, slow down a bit, and you would want your own "space" (whatever that means). But this time around, it's not like that. And we see each other almost every day, the most we've been away was just for his Sipadan trip, ie, 5 friggin' days.

It hurts to be away from him, and it hurts more even after our more than a year relationship. It seems that I am more dependent on him now than I ever was. I need him more than ever, and can't seem to do without him. I'm becoming Miss Dependent and I love it. I feel all good and flowery and bubbly and too jiwang maybe for my own friends to take. And that scares the heck out of me.

Am I anal? Am I just psycho for feeling this way? Am I just scared of feeling good, feeling loved just because I was so used to a crappy marriage and shitty relationships before?

Let's just leave those unanswered, for now.