Last Ramadhan, I remembered during one buka puasa I was sitting at the dinner table with tears streaming down my face, straight into my plate of rice. Can't really recall what exactly happened but it was an argument with The Ex.
The scene haunted me yesterday - it was the first day of Puasa and I had to face the fact that it's my first berbuka puasa being a single mom. In the morning I didn't think much of it, but later during the day (maybe plus the hunger pangs) I got a bit sad thinking about it. Not so much of The Ex, in fact, not at all. It's just the fact that berbuka puasa has always been a family ritual at my parents' house.
And I thought, will I be able to berbuka puasa sans tears this year? Will it be worse? Will I long for the presence of a male figure at the dinner table? The companionship?
So right before buka, I braved the hideously crowded Setiawangsa pasar ramadhan with a mission - to find the Melaka asam pedas stall which without fail will show up every year at Setiawangsa. I couldn't find it. I looked everywhere. My favourite Murtabak Johor stall had a queue that I don't even dare to attempt. So in the end suffice to say I berbuka with the bibik and my youngest, Yunus (I allowed Ali to break fast with The Ex outside) with keropok lekor (influenced by DNAS), roast chicken, mango salad, air tebu and canned peaches. No thoughts of any male. No regrets.
And most importantly there were no tears.
29 comments:
Ahh..am glad for you. Pigging out without tears.
Just enjoy your food, enjoy your fast...you only have one life. So live it.
Me, today no one will be at home. So I shall be going out.
Whether I will be breaking my fast alone or with the presence of someone...that is the ending of this abstract drama.
SeaDemon... "the presence of someone" will make a lotta difference. And I think I know whoooooo +wink+
Jazzy...hahaha! Speculation! But I'm going for bariyani gam.
Anyway, your invitation for hari raya sounds appealing.
Meen, at least you've got the 'food'! I've got nothing!Food pun nampak tak menarik. But I guess, my staff knows me well enough. They ajak me to go A&W tonight after work 11pm for supper cum sahur. This is when I terasa macam 'menumpang kasih'....
I want murtabak..
seademon, which briyani are you going to mate? Do come for hari raya, I can show you koi fish as big as my son in my dad's pool. Hahah!
spena, that's a nice place for sahur eh? it's ok, now ni kita semua menumpang kasih. The dysfunctional bunch. Well, kasih is there to be shared, right? Love is sharing?
idlan, the murtabak johor in setiawangsa is the closest to the famed larkin murtabak. u back in UK now or wat?
No choice la..near my house would mean JM Bariyani.
Huge Koi that must be. Tapi I datang membujang la this raya. At least for this year.
shoot..aku dah sedih 2nd day of ramadhan. kira first time dlm my life ada drama di bulan ramadhan. just confronted my father just now..over the phone that is. selamat berbuka u all *aku yg nak pegi terajang my brother yang hampas tu..tapi kena tunggu buka puasa dulu sebab nak makan kat coca*
air tebu!! and murtabak... i miss the murtabak kat muar. sigh...
seademon, oh ya I used to eat there quite a lot JM Bariani. "At least for this year"? Hee hee... Nevermind, next year boleh datang berdua ;)
nachos, your brother acting up again eh? Story la. Who you going to coca with?
eddy, murtabak... yummy yummy... but it's so sacrilegious how they've morphed the murtabak to the yellow soggy squares...
Meen , bulan pose ni memang buat aku extra sedih sikit.Everyear. I thought by the 3rd year this year, I would feel better, or ok. But no.I still don't.
Don't know when will it be....
spena, i foresee many many ramadhans being alone as well :) it is sad but i guess we all have to go through this, huh? ok, where's that ice cream now?
Jazzy...berdua? Hahaha. I wonder who is the kedua person going to be.
the first ramadhan is always the toughest...had never gone through one but witnessed my sisters life post divorced...
i assure you life gets a lot better from there.....
ps- been a silent reader
No more tears this year. :)
p/s: I was working overtime for the past 3-4 days, langsung tak check my emails/blogs. Baru perasan the tag. Heheh.
seademon.. alah.. buat buat dont know pulak
eddy sparrow, thanks for the happy thoughts. and thanks for being a (silent) reader. i appreciate it very much - please dont be silent anymore ya?
za, hheheh.. first day puasa a bit emo... biasala.. festivities... urgh
Ah, food glorious food. What can't they do? What can't they fix? ;)
We all should get together for sahur one of these days. Anything would be better than oatmeal, hahah!
ardy, oatmeal? hmm.. that sounds really familiar. Please arrange with that madam spena ya on the sahur. She's the one that's the hardest to get. BTW, what time is your sahur? Hee hee... Early can ah?
madam jazzy & spena..we will always be here for you. so..hang on there..as everybody is saying..it will get better. as for me, i am glad that i have u guys around coz i feel i am beginning to make some important changes in my life. i think we women takut being alone, and now i am not scared anymore. cheers! to NSSC..and everyone else..heheheh
btw jazzy, my brother got kicked out of the house oredi..(by me..) hahahaah..just glad that it's over.
selamat berpuasa, jazz...
use this ramadhan untuk mencari ketenangan dan ketabahan...
nachos, i think being alone is our greatest fear. especially for people like me... heheh.. But you are right it's not as bad now as before. But you do have a great future in front of you la my dear. And thanks for being there... huhuhu... Tangkap syahdu pulak.
Ayo.. you kicked your bro out ah? Heheh.. where he staying now?
Salam Deo, finally you drop me a note :) Thanks for the wishes. Do hope to see you again!
hey..first day puasa & berbuka puasa should be a great moment la kan?..but for me...sob! sob!....
wei cake.. apasal u pun sob sob sob.. aiyooo... this puasa everybody sobbing wei.. how la? all my friends not happy this puasa. Maybe God wants to give us all a big fat surprise for Hari Raya!!! :)
ya la jazz, maybelah..a big fat surprise for raya..yuhuu cam best jee. aku pun rasa sedey puasa ni. tak penah pulak aku berduka di bulan ramadhan before. anyways..donno exactly mana badigol jr tu (badigol sr is the one sharing opis wit me ok and with whom i went to coca with) tinggal now..but my bro-in-law ckp kat putra heights.
nachos, i just had my buka puasa and now rolling on the floor laughing to your badigol reference. Harharharrr! Or maybe all men are badigol???? I have a badigol too you know. Let's just call him badigol supersenior. :P
I hv met and been with a few badigols (to be exact 2+1+1) in me life. my brother tu tak kiralah kan, ni category boifren ok. sometimes i think it's me, not them. (i should tukar my requirements or i should call it first impression's indicators eg "straight cut" big fingers, tall, looks uncomfortable or shylah with women on first encounter etc etc..i can brief u tonite if u want hehehehe). problem aku sama je everytime-possessive giler, inconsiderate, dia jer betul..bila gaduh cam c*p*n, selfish, tak reti nak ayat aku langsung..etc etc lagi satu yang paling best..they all sumer zodiac sama (this is not one of the indicators ok) cant u believe that!! (zodiac part-can include my bro in). in a nutshell, i so hv a problem with leo guys..no offence to anyone here wokeh.
Tu la pasal..hopefully raya ni aku dpt bonus..muahahhaa..i wish!!!
nachos, next time we need to set up our own KPI's before commiting ourselves to any man. I've never been involved with any Leo males in my life but from your description - sangatlah scary! Well hope you'll find a guy with a different star sign and see if it's any different. Although I doubt it, girl.
meandmylife.. bonus??? tanya la rempit.. ada ke?
Post a Comment